The Sopranos creator David Chase wrote a new scene about how our first family of mobsters would handle quarantine amid the coronavirus pandemic
Photo: HBO/Kobal/Shutterstock It’s not an official answer to the most debated question in television history, but hey, gather ’round with some gabagool anyway. Or better yet, talk it over with your therapist. On the newest episode of Michael Imperioli and Steve Schirripa’s delightful podcast Talking Sopranos, the duo unveiled a brand-new scene written by The Sopranos’ creator David Chase about how our first family of mobsters would handle quarantine amid the coronavirus pandemic.
“Things are tough right now with all the bad news and things that are going on, it’s nice to have something to laugh about,” Imperioli said. “David thought it was important to bring some levity to the world, and he wrote these lines about the Soprano characters relating to the coronavirus.” We went ahead and transcribed the entirety of what was read aloud on the podcast — which, for continuity purposes, we can surmise was set in late March or early April.
PAULIE WALNUTS: Man, people call me a germaphobe. Big laugh. Now all I’ve got to say is: See, motherfuckers? And I knew some fuckin’ thing like this was going to happen. I saw the Holy Mother at Bada Bing.TONY SOPRANO: Sports betting? Fucking gone with the wind, along with professional sports. Me and my friends are dying over here. The president might have a point. Let’s get business and manufacturing going again — by Easter, May Day, whatever the fuck.
TONY: Bing fuckin’ shut down, my income stream was already compromised. We can keep the pork store open, though, essential critical infrastructure. Pork!SILVIO DANTE: We told the girls we’d keep them all on furlough. Lap dancers were the first to go.JOHNNY SACK: It used to be part of our thing, going to the mattresses. But this?BOBBY BACALA: Yes, that’s all emergency. I took all this shit because I got my predictions about it wrong.
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