Former President Donald Trump survived a shocking attempt on his life at a Pennsylvania campaign rally, sustaining only minor injuries. The Onion takes a look back on the history of assassinations and attempted assassinations in the United States.
1795: George Washington is strangled by his identical twin, Greg , who then secretly assumes his brother’s identity. 1910: A plot to overwhelm William Howard Taft ’s arteries with an extravagant buffet backfires when political rivals are saddled with a $1,000 dinner bill. 1964: Herbert Hoover is cut down by the most deadly assassin, time. 1981: John Hinckley Jr.
bungles his attempted assassination of Ronald Reagan so badly he turns Jodie Foster gay. 2000: The Supreme Court votes 5-4 to shoot Al Gore. 2002: Rold Gold pretzels take a shot at President George W. Bush but fail to overpower the Heimlich maneuver. 2008: We’re counting the shoe thing. 3752: A rebel from Alpha Centauri sneaks into Mar-a-Lago and drains half the vitality fluid from Emperor Trump’s tank before being caught.
Pretzels Attempted Assassination Of Ronald Reagan Jodie Foster Al Gore Donald Trump Politics Ronald Reagan William Howard Taft Herbert Hoover Heimlich George W. Bush Greg Rold Gold John Hinckley Jr. George Washington The Onion
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