Every week, the Cut’s Sex Diaries column features a new sex and dating story from an anonymous city dweller. This week, a graphic designer tries to rebound from a yearslong situationship by having as much rough sex as possible.
In this week’s story, a graphic designer tries to rebound from a years-long situationship by having as much rough sex as possible: 38, single, New York.I’m wide awake and can’t fall back asleep; my throat feels tight and my heart is beating rapidly. I usually wake up early in the summer to run before it gets too hot, but I’d planned on sleeping for another hour. I take deep breaths, trying to coax my body into relaxing, to no avail.
We met on Tinder. It started out casual, which was manageable at first because I didn’t respect him: He struck me as an art-world clout-chaser, a man holding out for the hottest, most influential woman who would have him. He relished being a fuckboy and bragged about his conquests. But he’d mellowed out, and I began to see him every weekend. We’d do things that weren’t sex-related — go to dinner, movies, concerts, the beach, the ballet. He’d even met my friends.
I didn’t know what to say. But the next day, when I still didn’t feel any better, I made my own confession: that I was hurt and that I was only interested in one person — him. He balked, and told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship.A silver lining: the breakup jump-started my fall marathon training. While running up a hill, I remember that I won’t see N again, can’t even just fuck him. But the ache in my legs and lungs eventually takes over and my emotions no longer preoccupy me.
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