'Embroidery was a safely feminine activity, and deeply tied to domesticity — and by extension straight marriage. Yet for me, it offered the space to reflect on my queerness,' writes eva_recinos.
, thread, a needle threader, needles and a marker with washable ink to draw patterns on cloth. I spent hours online looking for new projects and patterns. Soon, I was creating multiple pieces. I gave my best friend a hoop that reads “live, laugh, fuck off.” The design is off-center, but she loved it anyway. I mailed a friend in another state a beagle, similar to her own dog, which she proudly displayed in her office.
It was a quiet hobby. I got into a meditative state, the movement of the stitches lulling me, allowing my mind to slow down. And as my mind opened, so did my queerness. , art historian Rozsika Parker explores the history of Victorian embroidery in connection with femininity. In the 17th century, patterns included not just florals and other expected symbols, but also images that related back to biblical stories about Adam and Eve as well as the importance of husband and wife couples.
As I continued on my embroidery journey, I learned new terminology, like the half-stitch: where you only fill in half of a square on your Aida cloth while cross-stitching. The half-stitch mimicked my journey to coming out again: some days I felt fully confident in my identity, other days I was hesitant to shout my queerness out loud, afraid what others might think or say. But each half-stitch is important for the composition as a whole.
There are no shortcuts in embroidery. With each new project, you make a stitch, then another, then another — until you get a complete piece. You can't rush that process. As an adult coming out to new friends and peers, I felt like I needed to make up for lost time. I wanted to fast forward to the moment when I would finally figure out my full self. But as I continue to explore my queer identity, I find myself slowly starting to loosen my grip on the need to find the right label for myself.
Embroidery taught me patience. It taught me to embrace the idea of being a work in progress. And its teachings worked. I’ve become the person 2018 me wished she could be: A more openly proud, queer person – imperfections and all.
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