Focusing on the positive can become toxic if you're not careful.
, in which so many are experiencing heightened amounts of grief and worry."Toxic positivity can silence negative emotions, dismiss grief, and make people feel pressure to pretend to be happy even when they are struggling with overwhelming emotions.
" Suppressing negative feelings can have a variety of detrimental effects on one's lifestyle as well, said, a clinical psychologist and author."When a person feels angry, stressed, negative, sad, or irritable, ignoring those feelings to 'put on a happy face' can lead to additional stress, anger, irritability, and unhealthy coping mechanisms such as overeating, alcohol abuse, or other addictive patterns," she said. Ultimately, toxic positivity is a defense mechanism that can hurt more than it helps.Instead of avoiding or covering up difficult emotions, experts say the best thing to do is embrace them and try to work through them. One way to do this is to remind yourself that not all stress is inherently bad, suggested, a social worker and therapist."Because of the pandemic, there is a significant amount of uncertainty and stress that has been introduced into our lives, and this uncertainty is extremely uncomfortable," Shabazz said."Accepting life as a mixture of pleasant and unpleasant moments can help us maintain more realistic expectations." Expecting everything to be positive at all times is unrealistic. Fortunately, King said there are additional healthy ways to stay positive while still processing the full spectrum of your emotions."You can do this by having a family meeting to check in and communicate," she suggested."Review lessons learned, things that made the family strong." You can even make a list of specific things you or your family — or group of friends — are grateful for. King said practicing gratitude and focusing on communication are smart ways to shift away from toxic positivity and toward positive practices that aren't so harmful. But it's important to truly validate your own feelings and those of your loved ones first, and look for realistic and honest moments of gratitude; otherwise you run the risk of slipping into the sort of"on the bright side" thinking characteristic of toxic positivity. Another good way to handle fluctuating emotions is to view your feelings as neutral instead of positive or negative."The more you get into the habit of not judging your emotions as 'good' or 'bad,' the more you learn to see your emotions as important messengers of what you need or don't need," Dr. Manly said. For example, if you're feeling upset or stressed, instead of judging yourself for those emotions, you can look at them as cues. Maybe you need to take a bath, spend time with one of your hobbies, call a friend, go to the gym, or cook a new recipe. That way, instead of getting bogged down by"bad" feelings, you can use negative emotions as catalysts for practices that you know make you feel positive emotions."When we pause to slow down, we're far more likely to choose healthy coping mechanisms rather than the self-destructive ones," Dr. Manly said. If it's the people around you who are the ones perpetuating toxic positivity, Dr. Forti suggests trying to share your acceptance of negative feelings."Someone who frequently engages in toxic positivity may feel uncomfortable or vulnerable when negative emotions are accessed," she said."Let the person know you think feeling mad or sad is OK, that feeling and acknowledging the negative stuff makes them human and more fully connected to themselves and others." Once we can accept that it's OK not to be positive 100 percent of the time, we can become smarter about how we cope and learn to take care of
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