Some people look for validation from others in every decision they make, including who they date. Here are three reasons why it might not be in their best interest.
Some of us meet a partner and instantly think, “Yes, this is it—they’re the one.” Others take the longer route, and seek validation from parents, friends or loved ones before feeling confident in their choice.
Here are three psychological reasons behind our tendency to seek approval for our choices, including romantic ones, and how it impacts us.Growing up in a home where love felt conditional—where approval had to be earned and was not given freely—can leave deep emotional wounds. If you were constantly criticized or felt like you had to meet impossible standards just to be accepted, it’s natural to struggle with self-worth.
But, basing your self-worth on how others see you is an emotional rollercoaster. It means your confidence rises and falls—how people react, whether they approve of your choices or how well you meet expectations. Over time, this doesn’t just make love harder to find—it can also lead to resentment, frustration and emotional burnout.
The moment you stop living for external approval, life begins to feel lighter. Decisions feel less stressful and your relationships become more authentic. You start choosing what truly makes you happy, rather than what pleases others. And that shift, more than anything, can lead to deeper fulfillment—not just in love, but in every aspect of life.Constantly comparing yourself to others—especially on social media—can make you feel like you’re falling short.
Telling yourself, “I choose my choice” is another way to reaffirm that your decision matters. You don’t have to listen to others unless their concerns are genuinely for your well-being. Love isn’t about status, appearances or approval—it’s about connection, respect and trust. When someone has been hurt deeply, they often look to others for reassurance—confirmation that they weren’t at fault, that they are still lovable, still worthy of respect. But in doing so, they might unintentionally open up to the wrong people—those who lack empathy, who can’t provide real support, or worse, those who take advantage of vulnerability. This cycle can lead to more disappointment and reinforce the belief that they’re not worthy of a healthy, fulfilling connection.
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This Singular Habit Could Help You Wake Up With More Energy Every DayJulia Ries is an LA-based freelance writer who covers health and wellness for Healthline, HuffPost, PBS, Girlboss and the Philly Inquirer amongst others. You can see her work at juliaries.com.
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