As a senior lifestyle reporter at HuffPost, Brittany Wong covers stories about wellness and health, gender, relationships, internet culture and more. She’s previously written for the San Gabriel Valley Tribune, Angeleno magazine and GOOD. She lives in Los Angeles.
From day one, our newsroom made a commitment: we will not back down. We will not dilute the truth to avoid retaliation. And we will not stop asking hard questions, no matter who is in power or how hard they push back.
The words “incels,” “alpha” and “manosphere” never crossed Abby Eckel’s mind when she was pregnant with her two sons. Now that the boys are 8 and 10 ― on the cusp of their teenage years ― keeping them away from the“It’s literally the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, because I have to be, I feel like, ready 24/7,”-style dating advice ― offers young men a sense of community and purpose. The message that women are lesser beings and that you’re being denied your rights to sex or a relationship is particularly potent for boys who feel ignored by mainstream society.Avoiding toxic"manosphere" content can be a time-consuming worry for modern parents raising boys. Eckel and her husband monitor the boys’ online activity. They keep the lines of communication open and try to steer them toward healthier models of masculinity. But there’s little they can do to stop the influence of other boys who’ve been radicalized online.“The hardest thing is that the largest influence is not parents, it’s their friends,” she said. “We’re trying to raise them to be leaders and empathetic, but then they walk out of this house, and society is working overtime to undo that.” She can’t control what the kids’ friends watch or listen to: The shy friend who starts to identify as an incel, building his identity around his perceived inability to attract girls at school.― the kickboxer turned popular male supremacist podcaster who believes women are a man’s property and that rape victims shouldfor their sexual assault. So while finding others who are alienated may be a comfort at first, incel forums aren’t really a place for emotional support or the promise it’ll get better. That’s an opportunity to seize for a parent who’s willing to listen or offer nonjudgmental concern."I think the biggest misconception is that talking about gender, consent, power and empathy 'too early' will confuse boys," Desai said."But if we know the internet is already going to be having these conversations with them in a very toxic way, we need to get ahead of it." As opposed to inceldom, the manosphere ― personified best by a podcaster like Tate ― is loud, confident and designed to feel “cool.” The only way to approach and counter that is to be proactive instead of reactive, said Desai, the mom of 5- and 9-year-old boys.“We talk about feelings, boundaries, empathy, respect, friendships, consent, and the conversations began way before puberty, way before dating,” she said. She treats these conversations and lessons like any other life skill. Because she’s building that foundation early, she’s a lot less worried about them being pulled into spaces that thrive on insecurity and fear as teens.Normalize empathy as a strength. Give them an emotional vocabulary so they don’t mistake vulnerability for weakness.Show them what healthy masculinity looks like, don’t just tell them what not to do. Make sure home is the place where they feel fully accepted. “Kids don’t go searching for belonging in toxic corners of the internet when they already have belonging and acceptance at home,” she said. For Desai and her husband, that latter point means dispelling traditional gender roles and norms that box boys into unreasonable “rules,” she said. Basically, parents need to start early, stay curious and keep informed. You can’t control the algorithm, she said, but you can build the kind of internal compass that helps boys recognize when something feels off, disrespectful or rooted in hate. “I think the biggest misconception is that talking about gender, consent, power and empathy ‘too early’ will confuse boys,” she said. “But if we know the internet is already going to be having these conversations with them in a very toxic way, we need to get ahead of it.”'Adolescence' Is A Must-Watch For Parents Of Young Boys. But Here's What It Gets Wrong About Incel Culture.By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our
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