Things No One Tells You Happen When You Fly First Class

It’s your right as a member of the upper echelon of society to decide which of the poor scum in coach makes it to the airport alive

Flight Crew Will Kill You Mercifully

In the event of a plane crash, while passengers in coach die agonizingly from impact injuries or jet fuel burns, surviving flight attendants will come around and quickly snap your neck.If the plane ever hits some real turbulence, those other chumps are gonna be bouncing all over the main cabin.First-class not only gets full meals, but shrimp and steak are prepared sizzling hot by Japanese chefs right in passengers’ laps.

Not into the flight anymore? The doors in first class aren’t locked, and you’re free to come and go as you please.If Kevin Hart appeared in a movie you are watching, airlines will ensure he is digitally removed from every scene.List slidesYou’re practically sitting in the cockpit. You’ve earned this certificate of mastery.If you’d like to get out at another airport, simply press the “stop” button above your armrest.

No pressure, but if you enjoy being spanked, the pilot will put the plane on auto and come out to give you a few solid whacks.Most modern planes are outfitted with special equilibrium hydraulics that steady the first few rows of passengers in the aircraft and compensate by sending coach passengers thrashing about the cabin violently.

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