It's also perfectly understandable to feel apprehensive about physical affection right now. A pandemic isn't sexy.
"All day long, we're trying to protect ourselves physically ," says psychotherapist Dana Dorfman. Unlike other traumatic experiences such as 9/11 when people sought the solace of physical intimacy, "humans are contaminating each other with something invisible, and we're being conditioned to not let anything penetrate us."So, she says, it logically follows that some people may feel more guarded.
Sheila Addison, a licensed marriage and family therapist, points out that in Esther Perel's book "Mating in Captivity," Perel talks about desire and how it's often felt most intensely when there's some kind of separation. Even something as simple as sitting in the audience, watching your partner give an acceptance speech or putting on their uniform to go to work helped create those moments of "separation" in our pre-pandemic lives.
In addition, Addison says, when under pressure "our body will pull resources from anything that's not essential to our basic life functions." So, even people who typically have a high sex drive may experience a decrease in desire.
Wiggins notes that the activities need not necessarily be sexual, but should still be pleasurable. She recommends simple practices such as deep breathing, laughing and hugging your partner for longer than 20 seconds.
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