This article explores the advice of Founding Fathers like Jefferson, Franklin, and Washington on managing anger. It highlights the importance of pausing before reacting in heated situations, drawing on their aphorisms and examples to emphasize the power of control and rational thought.
Jefferson emphasized the importance of delaying a response in angering situations.Our Founding Fathers not only left us with a democratic republic but with helpful advice about living a good life, often expressed in the form of an aphorism, a short or pithy statement that expresses a general truth.
You’re probably familiar with Ben Franklin’s aphorism “a penny saved is a penny earned,” which today would likely translate to a dollar saved, as pennies are no longer being minted. But this aphorism harnesses the power of pith to remind us about the importance of not squandering our earnings, whether in dollars or cents. Franklin also left us with this sage advice about using time wisely: “Lost time is never found again.” There was also Franklin's familiar though frequently ignored admonition, “Do not put off till tomorrow what you can do today.”. In my last blog, I referenced Jefferson’s aphorism, “When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred.” In this, Jefferson recognized the need to control anger before it controls you, to pause and reflect in angering situations before you act. Here, let us expand upon the Jefferson hack. We should first acknowledge that Jefferson was not the first notable figure to hit the pause button on anger. Seneca, statesman of ancient Rome and Stoic philosopher, noted that delay is the “greatest remedy for anger.” Delaying anger presupposes that we have control over how we respond in angering situations. The key lesson here is to postpone our initial response—our tendency to lash out when angered. Some people think of this as swallowing anger. But it’s really a matter of control, of giving your thinking brain the chance to reflect before you act.It may seem as though we act reflexively when angered, but the fact is that we choose how to respond to situations we perceive as unfair or unjust. We can choose to be angry or go in a different direction. Our immediate response to a provocation or insult may be a gut-level reaction involving The human brain is preprogrammed to respond quickly to provocations, all the better to prepare us to either flee or fight off a perceived threat or hostile encounter. But then the thinking brain kicks in, giving us the chance to analyze and evaluate the situation, to step back and think through our actions—to rethink, reevaluate, and then re-act. Seneca recognized that anger stems not from the actions from others but from what we make of their actions: “We are not offended by what happens to us, but by our opinion about it.” His fellow Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius, whose day job was serving as Roman emperor, expressed a similar sentiment when he wrote, “Reject your sense of injury, and the injury itself disappears.” You may have a right to feel angry when treated unfairly, but you also have a right not to let yourself get steamed or respond in ways that lead to negative consequences. Say someone bumps into you when getting on or off a bus and instead of extending an, they say, “Hey, get out of the way, jerk.” Outraged, you feel anger rising in the pit of your stomach, which could lead to unfortunate consequences if things get out of hand.Your gut reaction might be to respond with an expletive or perhaps an aggressive gesture involving your middle finger. But you can choose to go in a different direction, letting cooler heads prevail. The buds of anger can be held back from blooming by exercising our rational brain. Angry responses are choices we make in provocative situations, not instinctive reactions.George Washington also understood the need to delay anger. Washington was reputed to have a fiery temper. There was a famous example in 1788, known as the Monmouth Incident, in which he was said to have exploded, swearing profusely at General Charles Lee for retreating in battle.Washington recognized the need to control his anger, especially when making command decisions. During the Revolutionary War, observers noticed that he paused when provoked by other officers and political leaders, stepping away momentarily from confrontational situations to reflect and regain his composure before speaking, calmly and rationally, as befitting a trueTake a moment for yourself before responding. If someone says something offensive to you, quell your impulse to say the first thing that crosses your mind. Your mind may be preprogrammed by force of habit to respond with a negative response that may come across as sharp or pointed, making the other person feel unheard or rejected, or prompting an angry response.Think before you respond. Don’t snap. As mentioned in an earlier blog post, one of my patients reported feeling irritated and annoyed whenever his wife interrupted him with an urgent request while he was working at home. He felt her requests were trivial in relation to the importance of his work and didn’t warrant an interruption. But his response, “Can’t you see that I’m working?” was dismissive and disrespectful, creating tension in their relationship that lasted throughout the day and sometimes for days afterwards. So he agreed, and to good effect, to pause and reflect, recognizing that what was important to his wife may not be important to him, but still deserved to be recognized and respected. The “pause ,reflect, and respond” hack allowed him the time to acknowledge the request, such as by saying: “Yes, I know that’s important . . . I hear what you’re saying.”The husband took a moment, reflected, and responded by saying, “Yes, I understand what you’re saying, and I want to help. But can it wait until later when I finish my work? How about we set a time this afternoon to work on it?” Using words to this effect, the client reported that his wife expressed understanding, agreeing that the request could wait. General Disclaimer: The content here and in other blog posts on the Minute Therapist is intended for informational purposes only and not for diagnosis, evaluation, or treatment of mental health disorders. If you are concerned about your emotional well-being or are experiencing any significant mental health problems, I encourage you to consult aThere was a problem adding your email address. Please try again.Self Tests are all about you. Are you outgoing or introverted? Are you a narcissist? Does perfectionism hold you back? Find out the answers to these questions and more with Psychology Today.
Anger Management Founding Fathers Emotional Control Stoicism Reflection
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