Domestic abuse comes in a variety of ways. Financial abuse by a spouse is still a form of abuse. Read our personal story here:
When talking about spousal abuse, we normally think of physical violence or verbal intimidation. But my husband exerted control over me by completely hijacking my finances, and it took years to repair the damage.
It was a very isolating situation, but I was far from alone. According to the National Network to End Domestic Violence, financial abuse occurs in 99 percent of domestic violence cases, but according to a 2014 study, 78 percent of Americans did not even recognize financial abuse as a form of domestic violence. I am just one of millions of women who have experienced this kind of abuse, but I am also one of the lucky ones who found a way out.
I had signed up for a few credit cards in college, used my cards very rarely, and always paid them off in full, immediately. I had no idea that paying to register Dax’s car and carrying full-coverage insurance for him myself would dig such a deep financial hole for me—and me alone. After we made the purchase, his old car took several months to sell, and by then, Dax had been laid-off for not making the sales quota he needed, while I was out on maternity leave.
The rest of my short marriage was similarly financially catastrophic. I stressed about money all the time, and my stomach always hurt. I prioritized paying rent and buying diapers and groceries, and I repeatedly hid my credit cards. But Dax would always find them. It didn’t matter whether his name had been added to the account or if mine was the only one, he would use them, saying that he should have access to any money I earned because we were married.
"Bad relationships rarely start out that way, and each woman has to get to her breaking point where she realizes she has had enough" ADVERTISEMENT When I went to Dax’s bankruptcy hearing armed with the legal decision from our divorce hearing, the judge granted him the bankruptcy and said nothing about what he owed me, as if I was not even there. I called creditor after creditor, but his bankruptcy was a get-out-of-jail-free card. The credit card companies didn’t care about the paperwork I offered to send them proving that Dax had been ordered to pay for what he had charged.
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