At holiday gatherings, go ahead and tell those funny, wild or inspiring family stories. Their lessons can be beneficial over time for children.
By Sue Shellenbarger Nov. 11, 2019 5:30 am ET Telling family stories about crazy Uncle Joe or other eccentric relatives is a favorite pastime when families gather for the holidays. But will squirming children or Instagram-obsessed teens bother to listen?
Hannah Rose Blakeley, 26 years old, says listening to stories about her late uncle led her to appreciate her family’s resourcefulness in the face of adversity. A Vietnam veteran who once worked as a roughneck in rattlesnake-infested oil fields, her uncle donned thick leather work boots, wrapped them in burlap, tromped through the grass and captured any rattlers that thrust their fangs into his protective gear. Then he sold them to laboratories, where their venom was harvested for medicine.
More than 90% of teenagers and young adults can retell family stories when asked, even if they seemed uninterested when the stories were told, according to a 2018 study of 66 families with teenage children and 194 college students led by Natalie Merrill, a postdoctoral researcher at Emory. And the youngsters valued the stories for their lessons and insights.
While Mr. Roveto didn’t think much about the stories as a child, he took them to heart later as a college student aspiring to a career as a filmmaker. When a professor suggested he spend a summer break in Los Angeles working in the film industry, “the thought at 19 years old seemed crazy,” he says. But he knew his grandparents had taken wild risks that turned out all right.
Parents who include in their stories descriptions of feelings they experienced at the time, such as distress, anger or sadness, and tell how they coped with those emotions by venting, reframing or calming them, help children learn to regulate their own emotions, Dr. Fivush says. Researchers in another study asked families with 10- to 12-year-old children to reminisce about happy and negative experiences, then followed up two years later.
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