'The babies. The babies. The babies. Every one of those memes and attempts at humor was a knife to the heart, to my empty womb, to the menstrual cycles that continued forth without clear rhyme or reason.'
Every joke and off-handed comment about the swell of December quarantine babies has been an utter gut punch. My stomach aches, my muscles tense, and it takes every ounce of my already-depleted energy not to scream. I remember that date the same way you remember an important anniversary. Not the date when everything got shut down with COVID-19 and suddenly the world shifted into a “before” and an “after.” No.
“Your numbers are amazing, and this cycle looks promising.” She paused. Took a deep breath. “But we’ve just been shut down by the state because of the pandemic. We’re going to have to put treatment on hold, and I don’t know when we’ll be able to start again. I feel awful delivering this news.” Over the weeks and months that quarantine was a near-U.S.-wide reality, the jokes flew across social media. There were the jokes about getting fat and pants no longer fitting once this season came to an end. These jokes made me, a fat person, wonder if people I thought I knew saw my body as their worst imaginable scenario. Too many people I cared about complained about how unfair it was to menstruate during quarantine and how dare it happen every month.
I made it to the point of an IUI. To the point where I’d been choked out five months earlier. I’d been convinced the chance would be lost again, as positive infection rates continued to grow in my state, thanks to recklessness of both capitalism and bored people. The same capitalism and bored people sharing the hurtful memes. The woman who did the procedure couldn’t find my cervix. She apologized, knowing how the worst part isn’t the narrow catheter threaded into the uterus.
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