SexDiaries: 1:00 p.m. Mild sexting with A throughout the day. No pictures. If he actually sent me a dick pic I think I would freak out
Photo-Illustration: James Gallagher This week, a newly single woman in L.A. wonders if her future husband is anywhere to be found: 28, talent agent, straight, Los Angeles, single.8:00 a.m. I wake up and my body is buzzing with anxiety. My roommate and I must have drunk half a bottle of wine each last night watching dumb reality TV. I’ve been pretty good about my drinking lately — I try to stay away from it during the week, because it jump-starts my mental health struggles.
4:00 p.m. I ask my friends if I should meet Instagram guy, and decide to go for it. I text him to meet me. He’s sweet and receptive. Maybe he’ll be my husband!11:00 p.m. We finish our second drink each. I’m giggling too much. It’s time to leave.8:00 a.m. I wake up feeling like the world is upside down again. At least today I have therapy.5:45 p.m. I duck out a little early.
12:15 p.m. Before I take off, the bartender, who happens to look like Post Malone, asks if I’m okay. I almost laugh at how crazy I must have looked. I leave thinking maybe the bartender is my husband?11:00 a.m. I make plans to meet A for drinks. He used to be my boss at another job, and we would spend lots of time together but I never knew if it was romantic. Plus I was in a relationship.
8:00 p.m. The giddiness is wearing off. I get really sentimental when I travel. I used to have panic attacks, but now I just feel an icy weight of loneliness and existential angst. I moved around a lot as a kid due to my parents’ jobs, which you would think would make me more resilient in the face of change, but I think it had the opposite effect. I didn’t feel like I could ever figure out who I was internally when I was so busy trying to adapt externally. I still feel fundamentally confused.
9:00 p.m. I feel like I can’t think of anything to say, so I drink just to do something with my hands and face.
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