Parents often have trouble accepting that 'children are allowed to be angry, sad, unhappy,' says Barnard College child psychologist Tovah Klein.
It might sound counter-intuitive, but it's highly effective, says"We all think the way to raise our children to be happy is to make them happy. But in truth, children know how to be happy, to find joy. It is not an all-the-time feeling," Klein, director of the Barnard College Center for Toddler Development, tells CNBC Make It. Barnard is an undergraduate women's college of Columbia University.
Parents often have trouble accepting that "children are allowed to be angry, sad, unhappy in some way," she adds. When a child is upset, parents often instinctively look to cheer them up or distract them. They might offer up chocolate cake, or go to the park to run around. There's nothing wrong with doing nice things for your kids when they're unhappy, but it doesn't always address the source of what's upsetting the child, Klein says.
That's especially true when the source seems trivial — like not being allowed to watch another episode of television or seeing the "wrong" brand of cookies on their dessert plate. Even in those cases, the child believes their negative reaction is appropriate, and they need to learn to address and manage those feelings — which they don't intuitively know how to do, Klein says.
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