The Juiciest Revelations in Hannah Brown's New Book God Bless This Mess
Though her mom told her the next day that her departed family members were "angels in heaven," she wouldn't know for a few days that someone had killed them. The story was big local news, but she tried to block out what happened for years until she finally went online to learn the whole story.
Her dad's side of the family grew increasingly distant after that and even stopped getting together for holidays, no one wanting to fully deal with the empty chairs. "I'd lost my innocence," Hannah writes, as well as her sense of safety, even at home, and the happy times that her family might have shared if this tragedy had never occurred. She still has trouble sleeping to this day, and wonders whether a diagnosis of narcolepsy a few years ago was in part brought on by fear.
Crediting her deep faith, Hannah recalls being 11 years old and anxious to get the tumor removed but otherwise unafraid. Shea bit scared of the prospect of losing her hair, but following a successful surgery, she didn't need chemotherapy or radiation, and after that she became her whole family's de facto spiritual leader.
Hannah recalls "drowning in insecurity and a self-hatred of my own body" and going on her first diet at 15, following a "pageant expert's" strict regimen. She lost 16 pounds in two weeks and was second-runner-up in her first-ever pageant with a swimsuit competition. She subsequently regained the weight. "It was never healthy," she writes of going up and down and back again on the scale.
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