SexDiaries: 8 a.m. My body is a prized possession. Men look at me like I’m something they want to f*ck and I know that
Photo: Corbis New York’s Sex Diaries series asks anonymous city dwellers to record a week in their sex lives — with comic, tragic, often sexy, and always revealing results. This week, a 30-year-old ex-SoulCycle instructor whose attachment issues get the best of her: female, 30, Brooklyn Heights, single, straight.5:46 a.m. I’ve always been an early bird. I also have raging insomnia. I sleep maybe about four hours a night and once I’m awake, I’m awake.
5:30 p.m. Heading into the city for work. I’m a maître d’ at a cocktail lounge in midtown and also at a celebrity chef’s newest baby on the Upper East Side. It’s such a lifestyle change, going from Spandex all day with hardly any makeup, sweat constantly matting your hair to your face, to fitted little sexy suits with silk tops. Though getting let go from Soul has been a huge blow, it’s been eye-opening and grounding to reinvent myself.
For a second I want to tell him to fuck off, but then I put my phone down and think about it. Brian, unlike most men, has taken the opportunity to tell me the truth. And that is more than I can say for most men I have been involved with. We make plans to meet up the following weekend, which is rapidly approaching.
8:30 p.m. Freehold is picking up and I decide to put my shit away and be that single girl at the bar. There is one guy who’s tall and lanky. When he sits down next to me I notice that he pulls out a pen and starts sketching on the napkin in front of him. 9 a.m. We’ve gone our separate ways and I just have this feeling that it is probably going to be the last time I see or hear from him.6 p.m. I leave my phone in my purse at work. Out of site, out of mind.10:30 a.m. I still feel like shit. I tell these men half-truths. I tell them I don’t want anything serious either, when that’s just not true. I’m emotionally attached to everything.
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