Being a single mother is a million times harder than I could have planned for.
. Truth is, most of us who are never imagined being a single mother. But it’s so much harder than you can ever imagine it to be.
Yes, I’m lucky my son is in pre-school for a portion of the day, but that’s not a time to do anything relaxing. Those few hours are for running errands without a kid, cleaning my apartment, working from home, making dinner, and maybe squeezing in a quick cat nap when I literally can’t keep my eyes open. When you’re a single mother, there’s no one to outsource to, no one to share the workload with, nobody to swing by and pick up the kid so you can rest.
My son sees his dad a few times a week for a couple hours at a time. He doesn’t take our son overnight, and I have to spend those precious few hours meeting deadlines for my job. My ex works a lot and spends time with our child when he can, but of course I wish it were more. I know I’m lucky that my ex is even in the picture. But when I’m still doing 90+ percent of the parenting, I don’t feel all that lucky.
As much as I want to sit here and say I’m strong and independent, I don’t usually feel that way at all. Of course, there are moments of joy, but when the weight of the world is literally resting solely on your shoulders, it’s so hard to take pleasure in them. Some days I’m mere seconds away from bursting into tears most of the time. Not for any particular reason, but in the still moments, the weight of my reality comes crashing down on my head and the only way I can get out is to cry.
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