This article explores the damaging effects of defensiveness in relationships. It highlights how arguments escalate due to a focus on facts, blame, and excuses, hindering problem-solving and creating emotional wounds. The author uses an example of a couple arguing about bedtimes to illustrate how defensiveness takes over, leading to a breakdown in communication and an inability to address the core issue.
Defensiveness is about arguing over facts, blaming, and making excuses—all ways of coping as a child.
Defensiveness is exactly what it sounds like—defending yourself from what seems like a threat or attack. It’s easy to fall into, especially in couple relationships, but it stirs frustration and resentment that can, over time, wear down the relationship. And when arguments reach their crescendo, problem-solving is derailed, and emotional and even physical injury can result, fueling the next argument.It was Tuesday, no, it was Wednesday. I’ve got the text, my mother said.
Defensiveness Relationships Communication Conflict Resolution Emotional Intelligence
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