There is nothing to fear, dads.
A New Hampshire man named Jan was shooting the breeze with a cop who asked him what he did for a living. He told him that he’s a stay-at-home dad.“I fulfilled every mother’s dream,” Jan said. “I married a doctor.”
Many of those experiences are positive. Some are not. I talked to two men who are now separated or divorced from their wives. A few others found child care unrewarding or struggled to get back into the workforce once their kids were older.Still, I came away from my reporting convinced that this is an option more fathers should consider. Recent research contradicts the idea that female-breadwinner couples are at greater risk of divorce.
“I don’t have dreams of being in upper management at all,” a software engineer told me. “I just want to keep building stuff.” Guys like these don’t see themselves as making a big sacrifice when they focus more on their kids and let their wives focus on their jobs. And as gender norms have shifted, it’s gotten easier for dads to make this choice.There’s a widespread perception that men who lean out face stigma from friends and family, but I had trouble finding anyone who had experienced that.
Patrick Brown with his three kids in May. He moved to South Carolina so his wife could take a job as an economics professor.People in New Jersey were overwhelmingly positive about his choice, but Brown still detected a hint of condescension. “People would say ‘I could never do that,’ and I’d think ‘oh sure you could if you wanted to.’”
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