The Best Concerts of the Year: Paste writer NataliesNotInIt chooses GirlTalk at FirstAvenue.
Being trans in a public space can often feel like a shortcut to feeling out of place. Even in spaces without any outright malice, it can be mentally taxing to just exist, dwelling on what sets you apart from so many others in a crowd—a hyper-awareness of the added layers of meaning your gender expression holds. Concertgoing, sometimes, can exacerbate this.
Despite being an avid Girl Talk listener since my early college days of trying to imitate his style in Audacity, I had never actually seen him perform until this year. Part of that was due to Gillis mainly playing festivals in the late 2010s, and part of that came from skipping his set at 2017’s Panorama Festival to camp out all day for a spot close to Frank Ocean. When Gillis finally did announce his first headlining tour in ages in 2020, I was elated to finally make up for lost time.
My plan works, almost too easily. Some time before the set begins, a man with a bandana covering his face leans over to me and whispers, almost covertly, as if setting up an illicit meeting, asking me if I want to be onstage, and directs me to a side-stage entrance when I enthusiastically agree. As more people congregate around me, a realization hits me, one not unfamiliar in my years of concertgoing: I’m the only trans person there.
I find myself naturally gravitating toward the same group of women who surrounded me earlier—after how eagerly they welcomed me into the fold, why would I want to do anything else? There are the girls who find just as much release and joy in screaming the most cathartic girly hooks of the night, like that of Kelly Clarkson’s “Since U Been Gone,” back at me, knowing I’ll find the same girlish ecstasy they feel.
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