Because of COVID-19 and social distancing restrictions on public gatherings, families are using virtual livestreams to mourn their dead.
Danielle Dell’Accio, an elementary school teacher in Buffalo, New York, lost both her great aunt and great uncle in April within the course of two days.
“She had to sit in her car alone to watch her sister and brother-in-law be laid to rest,” Dell’Accio said. “I can’t even imagine what she must have been feeling.”“I was inside supervising my kids’ school work,” she said. “I saw my mom with tears running down her cheeks through a screen. She held up handwritten notes for the family to read since we couldn’t hear each other. All I wanted to do was to run outside and give her a hug and I couldn’t even do that.
The burial, held in Toronto with only 10 mourners in attendance, was a fairly depressing affair. For starters, gusty winds made it nearly impossible to hear the video feed. “Despite everything, we have been able to share stories and memories and, importantly, our grief. It has been both awful and wonderful.”The family was even able to have a socially distanced version of sitting shiva, the Jewish custom of mourning for seven days while people visit and bring food to the family.
There’s been an adjustment period for officiants and community religious leaders shifting to Zoom funerals as well., West Bloomfield, Michigan, said she’s gotten the rhythm of a Zoom funeral down more or less, but she misses the intimate moments of meeting in real life: the hugs before and after the ceremony, the conversations on the walk back to the cars, congregating in people’s homes, holding their hands, being able to look into their eyes.
“I am a big believer that we don’t ‘get over’ the death of someone we love, but rather, we ‘get through,’” she said. “Getting over, to me, has the subtleties of leaving someone behind. What happens is you move through the white-hot grief, and over time, you learn to live with their absence, and their love is what remains.”
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