Here’s a list of things parents can (and should!) do to connect with and create healthy, emotionally intelligent kids.
Sharing, identifying, and naming emotions improves a child’s emotional intelligence.As a seasoned child therapist—and a father of two—I’ve found that these 10 strategies help parents raise happy, confident, and emotionally secure kids.
. We won’t and can’t do all of these 10 things all the time. And some of the 10 items below may not feel natural or comfortable for you, and that’s OK too. We only have to be aSaying yes to your child means loosening the reins and indulging them a little. It means being as flexible as you can while still setting clear limits as you normally would. For instance, let them make a fort from blankets, pillows, and couch cushions, knowing this will create more work for you, cleaning up later. Let them paint their bike. Let them invent a cookie recipe which you help them make and bake, knowing it will likely be barely edible.When your 5-year-old asks, “What happens to Grandma now that she died?” hold off on explaining about death, funerals, the circle of life, heaven, etc. Yes, the question sounds intellectual, but so often kids are really trying to express emotions. In this case, first invite your child to talk about how they feel about Grandma’s death.After you’ve attended to the emotions, then see if your child wants to talk about their initial, intellectual-sounding question.Get down on the floor and play. Laugh. Be silly. Stop worrying about making sense. Stop trying to teach.Try to follow your kid’s lead: let them tell you how to play. Let them be the boss. They know it’s just play, that they’re not really the boss, but it’s enough for them to feel empowered for a little while.creates an atmosphere that feels safe, warm, affectionate, and relaxed. Humor sends the message that the world isn’t such a huge, scary, intense place.has also shown that humor can improve the relationship between child and parent. Just be sure your humor doesn’t hurt,When kids express themselves, their challenging behaviors tend to decrease or disappear. But they can’t express their feelings until they can first identify how they feel.When, for example, you tell your child that you felt sad and a little worried for a friend who lost their job—and, too, that you have a good, secure job—you’re not just modeling expressing feelings, you’re educating your child about emotions. You’re building theirshows that eating dinner together as a family is a major indicator of a child’s social-emotional health, and that family meals increase a child’s self-esteem and school success.provokes feelings in youWhen you understand how your child is feeling, you’re less likely to overreact to their challenging behavior.Parents are often very good at talking about a child’s challenging behaviors. But when we start with this, we’re not addressing the roots of the behavior: the child’s feelings., we’re letting our child know that we heard them, and that we understand. They will then be more inclined to listen when we talk about their behavior. This might sound like, “I know you’re mad that we’re not going to the toy store. You were looking forward to that, and it’s got to feel really frustrating that I’m making the decision not to go. I get that. But it is not OK to call me names because you’re mad.”Underscoring most of a young child’s emotions is the sense of being small and powerless. These feelings often prompt other, secondary feelings— Understanding this universal experience of being small and powerless will help you make sense of your child so that you can better connect with and speak to their core feelings.We all screw up. It’s normal. And it gives us the chance to reconnect and repair our relationship with our child. Repairing is more than apologizing. It must start with 1) acknowledging the feelings our child had as a result of our actions. Then comes 2) theKeep in mind that repairing isn’t a time to also criticize the child’s behavior that may have prompted our poor behavior. A repair might sound like, “When I screamed at you, I know you felt scared. You probably felt I was so angry that I didn’t love you. But I can be super angry, and my love for you will never go away. It’s always there, even when I’m mad. I’m so sorry I lost my cool. I’m really working on that and trying to control my anger.”Self Tests are all about you. Are you outgoing or introverted? Are you a narcissist? Does perfectionism hold you back? Find out the answers to these questions and more with Psychology Today.
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