Welcome to bad summer, also known as August, also known as the worst month of the entire year. The weather sucks, the news is slow and things just get really fucking boring. Like, I had a whole conversation with my boyfriend the other night about needing a new bath mat and debating between styles. That is a boring conversation! I’m too young to be so boring! I should have something more to offer him and the world than, “Bamboo or memory foam? Should I keep it simple?”
very... interestingMy former fuck buddy, now husband has a lamp that looks like an anatomical model of a heart, and when you plug it in, it “pulses”. I shit you not.dunnaeknow, you and I both know it wasOoOooOoo... I experienced the trifecta. I went home with a man who had2. only had AXE body wash products in his bathroom
Also she said a number of things over the course of the date that I realized, in retrospect, were definitely lies, and ate like 5 different pills while we were having cocktails. One year we got wasted on free booze at the office christmas party and i was drunk and horny enough to forget i’d probably be the topic of tomorrow’s hostile work environment brand of sexual harassment.
I woke up still half drunk maybe 7 hours later and he wasn’t there. LOL, dude went home with someone else! In the harsh light of day I sat up and saw first, right in front of me on top of his dresser, some other girl’s crumpled up outfit, and when i turned my head to the right to look out the window, an open shelving bookcase entirely filled with fedoras. FEDORAS. A collection of fedoras! There had to be 30 fedoras. *5 fucking shelves of fedoras.* And one Santa hat.
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