The text delves into two separate but intertwined personal struggles: a strained relationship with the author's mother and the devastating discovery of her husband's long-term infidelity. It explores the emotional toll these situations take, highlighting feelings of anger, hurt, anxiety, and isolation.
My mom and I have an extremely difficult relationship. She wants to treat me like a child, even though I’m 66. Thanksgiving was a disaster, and we no longer want to spend any holidays with them. She asks everyone but me why I’m mad at her. When I tried to explain to her in a letter how her actions affect me, she got defensive and called it “hateful.” I don’t like confrontations. I’m like a deer in headlights and can’t think of anything to say to her.
How can I let her know we plan to spend our holidays alone now, without her feeling like we hate her? I see no reason to tell your mother you will spend no more holidays with her and her husband. If she asks, say you have made “other plans” and won’t be available. If she accuses you of hating her or being mad at her, tell her that, for the reasons stated in your letter, it has become too stressful. If your mother complains to the rest of the relatives, as she probably will, explain your reasons for skipping the stress-filled holidays and tell them they can explain it to her because every time you have tried, she tunes you out. A year ago, I found out my husband has been cheating on me with multiple women for more than a decade and kept two of his conquests for that entire time. He also sent all our savings to his girlfriends in another country. Because we have two disabled adult children and one neurotypical adult child, I decided to stay in the marriage. A year later, I’m still struggling. In fact, I feel worse. I barely sleep and have developed severe anxiety. I have no one to talk to about this because I’m embarrassed and humiliated by what he’s done to our family. To shield my children, since they would suffer needlessly if they knew about his infidelity, I put on a facade and pretend everything is OK. I am desperate for sleep, but all I do is cry and wander around my house at night
FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS INFIDELITY ANXIETY EMOTIONAL DISTRESS COMMUNICATION
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