'I was honest and open with her and didn’t feel the need to fib my way out of the hot seat. With her, there was no hot seat, just lessons to be learned that made me grow.'
This grandmother made a difference in one young ADHDer's life — by supporting, encouraging, and believing in her when no one else did. Countless people diagnosed with ADHD have a story about someone — a friend, a coach, a teacher — who believed in them when the world didn’t.
The mentor’s support and encouragement gave them the confidence and self-worth to go on to finish school, get a great job, complete an important project, or achieve a goal. I learned about the value of a mentor as a young girl.. My inattentive and impulsive behavior was frustrating for my family and teachers. I tried to do what I was told, but I failed miserably most of the time. The shame over feeling that I was a disappointment to others made me angry. One person never made me feel that way – my grandmother, my first mentor. When I was a teenager, she sold the house she lived in all her life and moved next door to me. Unlike others, she always believed in me and was confident that I would do great things. I wish she were here today to know that I have a successful career helping others with their struggles, just as she guided me.My grandmother was the first person to ask me what I needed to do to be a better student, instead of telling me what I should do. She was always patient and gentle, and she applauded me when she caught me doing something right. When I did something wrong, she asked me what I learned from the experience and what I could do differently the next time. My grandmother didn’t let me get away with blaming others for my mistakes. I was honest and open with her and didn’t feel the need to fib my way out of the hot seat. With her, there was no hot seat, just lessons to be learned that made me grow. She helped me learn many of those lessons by pointing out that I was too impatient and needed to slow down – otherwise I tended to make impulsive decisions that would get me in trouble.In my senior year of high school, I fell behind. One day my grandmother asked me, “Why don’t you come over and do your homework here? It’s quieter. There are fewer distractions.” Peace and quiet was my first academic accommodation, long befores were around. Knowing that I was easily distracted and that I needed a quiet place to work was an important lesson to learn before going off to college. My inability to pay attention was something that I felt ashamed about, especially when I came out of a daydream in the middle of history class and realized that I hadn’t heard a word the teacher had said. My grandmother understood my daydreamy personality and soothed my guilt with humor. She called me her little “space cadet” who had a weird way of doing things, but who always tried her best. It was from her that I learned to applaud my own efforts, even when I didn’t do a perfect job.I encourage you to seek out and find a mentor whom you admire and respect. The first step is to define what you need a mentor for. You may decide that you want more than one mentor – someone to help you grow your professional career and a more personal mentor to help you be a great mother or to use your time more productively. Take your time choosing a mentor; you want to know that he or she has your best interests at heart. Seek out the same qualities in a mentor that I admired in my own grandmother: