This article explores the unconventional choice of sleeping separately in a marriage, challenging common societal norms. The author shares her personal experience and reasoning for this decision, providing insights into its benefits and potential misconceptions.
The author and her husband celebrating their 19th wedding anniversary in May 2023.Allow me to answer your questions upfront: no, we are not celibate, and yes, I suspect you don’t fully believe me. I understand your suspicion. The marital bed is deeply embedded in the culture and a symbol of a healthy relationship.
Sleeping separately and going even further by having separate rooms if you have the space, is clearly a sign that the relationship is on rocky ground or at the very least you’ve had an explosive argument, and one of you chooses ― or is ordered ― to sleep on the sofa, right? But there was a time that sleeping in separate beds was all the rage. In the early 1900s through the 1950s,. You’d avoid your bed partner’s germ-filled breath while also retaining some of your own independence. By the 1960s, that notion was completely deep-sixed. Sleeping together became the norm and a sign of marital stability ― for the middle class, anyway.King Charles and Queen Camilla are carrying on the royal tradition. The reasons they give are no-fuss ― it’s practical when one wants a good night’s sleep, and when one needs intimacy, that’s easily rectified with a rendezvous. For middle-class me, however, sleeping separately was a matter of survival. Before we were married, I tried sleeping through the night in the same bed we’d had sex in ― generally mine. I got through most of those nights without needing to decamp to the sofa, but even then, I found the whole undertaking stressful. It wasn’t just the snoring ― full-throated and cavernous, which startled me out of my blissful slumber ― but the actual presence of someone sleeping beside me. I had the experience of something being taken, something I didn’t want to lose.The author in her bedroom.'Dusty pink walls, crystals, my diffuser — and the bed is made daily,' she writes. We met when we were in our early 40s, both out of difficult marriage
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