Why you should stop judging yourself for 'feeling bad' when something awful happens instead of racing to find the positive
and on bed rest, I knew that I would do anything and everything in my power to never not be able to move again. I have relied on being able to move and move quickly in order to feel emotionally and physically well; it’s my fix, my go-to feel-good drug that’s served me for a lifetime.
So, here I was, sitting in my seat at the beach, still as a sloth, unable to give myself what I needed to be well. I felt really bad about not being able to walk or run or move much at all. But I noticed that I felt almost as bad about feeling bad. Many people I talked to about the situation told me some version of the silver lining to every cloud adage, with a little “oh, what a pain” thrown in for good measure. My more spiritually-inclined friends were excited by the situation and the teachings that awaited me in this opportunity. I felt disappointment in myself for thinking that this moment was anything other than perfect, and should be any other way, and sternly told myself to accept the present moment without resistance, since that’s all there was. My family reminded me to practice the power of now, along with the power of surrender, neither one of which, apparently, I was practicing. As my body atrophied on the sofa, my mind was soaking inbe better-experiencing this unfortunate opportunity. I chided myself with Nietzsche’s words, “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how,” thinking about all those who had suffered before me with a purpose. I went full throttle on the self-throttling. I still felt awful about not being able to move and the timing of this injury with my long-awaited active vacation, but I felt just as terrible if not worse about the fact that I was feeling so terrible. But then it occurred to me that I was rushing myself to learn and feel something new and expansive in this mess, before I had actually learned it or felt it. I was demanding that I be a person who walked through this with great and spiritual perspective. I realized that this idea of a hidden teaching, the “why” that made the “how” okay, and all the rest of themight just be a narrative that I was constructing. I was skipping an important step in the process, a step that needed to happen so that I could actually learn and grow, not just script the narrative of learning and growing. I was rushing to be okay with what was not okay, but without giving myself permission to genuinely not be okay, and not be the face of reason and hope. I had constructed a narrative about growth and opportunity before actually experiencing either one. I felt enormous pressure, most of it coming from inside myself, pressure to not be bothered, to find acceptance and peace about this situation. But I wasn’t there, not yet anyway, if I ever would be. Rather than compel myself to use this as a teaching, I had to actually let myself feel bad, feel sad, feel upset, feel angry, feel irritated, feel disappointed about this situation, this unfortunate event—to live it as I actually experienced it. I had to let the teaching teach me rather than construct a teaching that would work for my mind. Getting okay with not okay is not about feeling good or even comfortable with what doesn’t feel good or comfortable. It’s not about manufacturing a positive lesson in a negative situation, before that lesson has actually revealed itself. It is, however, about having the courage to allow yourself to not be okay, actually not be okay, without judgment and the urgency to change it. There’s no reason to berate oryourself for feeling bad; bad things happen and we, sometimes, just plain have to feel bad. The feeling-bad part is a part of the process and the very part that leads to feeling good again. When you stop judging yourself for not being okay, you are indeed being okay with not being okay.
Please follow us on Google to support usUnited States Latest News, United States Headlines
Similar News: You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.
P!nk Talks Patriotism, Being An American in Powerful Video: WatchHas not time for trolls, but, okay, a little to take a couple down hard
Read more »
It's Okay To Prioritize Your Mental Health While Fighting Racism'Making sure you have the mental capacity to show up is just as important as the work itself.'
Read more »
‘I Am Not Your Negro,’ Toni Morrison, Ferguson Uprising Docs Made Available for Free (EXCLUSIVE)The John S. and James L. Knight Foundation and O Cinema will work with Magnolia Pictures to make “I Am Not Your Negro,” “Whose Streets?” and “Toni Morrison: The Pieces…
Read more »
The Sweet's Steve Priest Dead at 72: 'He Was the Best Bass Player I Ever Played With''I am in pieces right now,' bandmate Andy Scott wrote on Facebook
Read more »
Selena Gomez Calls For Justice For Breonna TaylorSelena Gomez joined the rising swell of voices calling for justice for Breonna Taylor on Friday (June 5).
Read more »