Rooted in attachment theory, emotionally focused therapy focuses on softer, primary emotions.
Emotionally focused couples therapists help partners learn to express "softer" emotions .) shape the way that we interact with others throughout our lives. Children are born with needs for objects necessary for survival, such as milk and water, as well as less tangible needs for emotional closeness, support, and protection. These needs must be met to ensure the survival of the infant, as we are born dependent on others for survival.
Responsive caregivers nurture children to develop a secure attachment style. Those with a secure attachment style are able to form stable and satisfying bonds with others. In contrast, caregivers who are inconsistent with their responsiveness may foster an anxious-ambivalent attachment style in a child, characterized by separationand a failure to be soothed , which may result in preoccupation with relationship problems later in life.
Behaviors are seen as enactments of our drive to connect to others and to ensure that our needs are met, given our attachment styles. Emotionally focused couples therapists guide couples to be responsive to each other’s attachment needs, as “accessibility and responsiveness are the two building blocks of secure attachment” . All humans have a need for safe and supportive connections in their relationships.
A very common example of this is the demand/withdraw pattern that is destructive to relationship stability and satisfaction . In contrast, expressing primary emotions enhances connection between partners. Thus, one goal of emotionally focused couples therapy is to have clients engage with primary emotions and learn to express them to their partners instead of expressing harmful secondary emotions.
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