The author seeks advice on how to help her 8-year-old twin daughters resolve their roommate squabbles. They are sharing a room with their grandmother, and despite initially enjoying the arrangement, conflicts have arisen. The author wants to find a solution without moving or sacrificing her own carefully managed eating habits.
My husband’s mother has been living with us for the past year, due to her declining health. Our kids love her, our dog is very protective of her. She’s an all-around amazing woman, and she’s seamlessly integrated herself into our household. When she moved in, our identical twin 8-year-old daughters had to move into the same bedroom. It wasn’t a big deal at the time—they were all for it.
Within the last month or so, however, my daughters have been having a lot of issues sharing a room—basic roommate squabbles about messiness, who gets the top bunk and the like. They’ve been hinting at wanting separate rooms for a while. I think they might need space from each other, but we don’t have room to give each kid her own bedroom. We talked about putting one of the kids in the basement, but both kids adamantly refuse to sleep there. Short of us moving, do you have any suggestions? How can we get our kids to solve their roommate squabbles? It doesn’t matter how much you love a person; sharing your personal space is tough. I’m impressed that the girls’ squabbles sound pretty innocuous, but I think you’re right to try to nip this in the bud before anything gets worse. I would suggest creating a roommate contract. Sit with the girls and collaboratively create a set of guidelines they can both agree to. Maybe they designate a corner of the room where mess is allowed, or maybe they trade bunk beds on a pre-determined schedule. If what they really crave is alone time, you might be able to divy up the week in terms of who gets to hang out in the room alone. There is no right or wrong criteria, so long as the contract gives everyone what they need and holds both girls accountable to each other. I am guessing there is a reason grandma can’t move into the basement, and I understand that the girls don’t want to sleep there, but could the space be put to another use? If the basement could turn into a cool tween nook or game room, the girls might naturally spread apart more often, and thus the bedroom may not be such a sore spot. Alternately, a loft bed costs a lot less than a renovation or moving. If the room is big enough for two of those, some of them offer cute space under the bed that each girl could make her own. Interior decorating aside, open communication is going to be your best bet in solving this. And, like in any relationship, bad habits are sure to come back now and then, and the contract might need to change as the girls grow up. But if you can make a habit of checking in on, and renewing, the agreements between Hope and Sadie, you’ll have a good shot at peace.
Roommates Children Family Sharing Conflict Resolution Communication
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