Research reveals that couples experiencing relationship stability and fidelity tend to monitor potential romantic alternatives less frequently. Conversely, couples facing relationship instability or infidelity show a greater tendency to monitor these alternatives.
Even when a romance starts as a match made in heaven, many couples eventually board the emotional roller coaster. To some extent, most relationships are characterized by ups and downs, yet many stabilize over time as couples bond and grow together.
Yet even within established relationships, there can come a point of trouble in paradise when one partner notices something has changed and their paramour seems distracted and potentially disinterested. Research reveals what that might mean.Most relationships do not blow up into a breakup. Dissolution happens gradually over time. Lane L. Ritchie et al. studied changes in monitoring relational alternatives beforeor relational dissolution. They began by noting that monitoring alternatives can be linked with behaviors that undermine the stability or fidelity of relationships, as well as lower relationship quality. Studying 779 individuals in unmarried heterosexual relationships over a time span of four years, they found that alternative monitoring was more frequent within couples who broke up and reported infidelity, compared to couples who stayed together and remained faithful. In addition, consistent with their predictions, Ritchie et al. found that breakups followed an increased amount of alternative monitoring, and that particularly large increases in monitoring preceded infidelity, compared to the patterns of couples whose relationships remained faithful and intact.Ritchie et al. note their results illustrate the importance of assessing changes in monitoring of romantic alternatives over time, rather than at a single point. They also found that these changes will not always be in a negative direction, sometimes they indicate relational stability and increased commitment. In their study, for example, within relationships characterized by stability and fidelity, alternative monitoring actually declined throughout the period of study.As most couples know, there is a difference between acknowledging the existence of romantic alternatives and pursuing extra-relational prospects. Ritchie et al. characterize their findings as consistent with the theory behind alternative monitoring, explained from a perspective of exchange theory that relational commitment encompasses a lack of alternative partner monitoring. Prior research also distinguishes alternative monitoring from appraisals of alternative partner quality, which could be assessed regardless of whether any of them were under consideration. They note that the term “monitoring” does not necessarily refer to behavior, but the extent to which a currently partnered individual is aware of or potentially interested in romantic alternatives.Most partners will admit some of the concern over extra-relational monitoring stems from relational insecurity, which can be due to partner incompatibility,behavior, or lack of stability within the early stages of a new romance. Robust relationships of love and loyalty take time to develop but are worth the wait. Safe spaces of comfort anddiminish the threat of relational alternatives because stability through trust and respect increases relational quality and satisfaction and decreases the risk of alternative monitoring in the first place. Ritchie, Lane L., Scott M. Stanley, Galena K. Rhoades, and Howard J. Markman. 2021. “Romantic Alternative Monitoring Increases Ahead of Infidelity and Break-Up.” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 38 : 711–24. doi:10.1177/0265407520968633.There’s been a fundamental shift in how we define adulthood—and at what pace it occurs. PT’s authors consider how a once iron-clad construct is now up for grabs—and what it means for young people’s mental health today.
RELATIONSHIP STABILITY FIDELITY MONITORING INFIDELITY ALTERNATIVE PARTNERS
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