'My anxiety, which had been humming like a low-voltage current since March, surged into full-fledged panic as I realized the fall would not bring a renewal of our old lives.'realwomenrealstories parenting
This was a fantasy, one of my mind's coping strategies for navigating the pandemic.
My first reaction was fear that we would be cast back into that gloom. I could still feel the daily dread in my throat, the desolate horror at 4 a.m., wondering if my kids would be OK. My fear of another online semester was greater than my fear of contracting COVID-19, which you may not understand if you don't have teenagers or mental health issues or both.
My anxiety has manifested as restlessness, racing thoughts, difficulty sleeping, panic dreams and obsessive doom-scrolling. In some ways, my emotional response to COVID-19 is a trauma response. It's akin to the symptoms ofI experienced after my second emergency Caesarean section, caring for a colicky newborn who would not stop screaming.
My new therapist tells me that both things are true: I am privileged, and I am also struggling. I look at her kind face on my screen, framed by silver hair, and try to believe her.
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