Talib Babb writes a humorous list of suggestions for polite heckles for spectators who tend to get too personal when yelling at athletes.
The Jazz have permanently banned a fan who heckled Thunder point guard Russell Westbrook, the team announced in a statement on Tuesday. The ban . . . comes after the Jazz conducted an investigation into the incident using video review and eyewitnesses accounts and concluded that “excessive and derogatory verbal abuse” was directed at Westbrook.
–Sports Illustrated “You’re much better at being a father than you are at playing defense!” “You should treat your jump shots like your daughter’s ballet recitals, because you never miss those, you remarkable family man!” “This game is over! But thank goodness your life isn’t over, because you are an amazing person with tons left to contribute to the world!” “Stop fouling all the time! Your phenomenal parents raised you never to lay your hands on other people in anger!” “Another turnover? This isn’t like you—you usually do a great job of hanging on to your belongings!” “You’re giving up a lot of points! I’m not surprised, though, since you enjoy giving back to your community in your spare time!” “You guys suck, but it’s not your fault—your lousy coach deserves all of the blame!” “You can’t make free throws! You’re too used to paying full price for things with your hard-earned money!” “We’re all over you tonight! Just like your precious puppy is all over you the moment you walk into your house! I’ve seen the cute videos you post on Instagram! Please keep posting them—it’s lovely content!” “If you go to the rim, we’re blocking your shot exactly the way you block out all the distractions and negative forces in your life!” “You’d better keep passing the ball to your teammates and showing kids how to be team players, you unselfish role model!” “Stop crying to the refs! You’ve overcome so much adversity in your life—there’s no need to start complaining now!” “You’ll never get a ring! That being said, I do love the ring that you gave to your beautiful fiancée, and I wish you two nothing but the best going forward!” “You’re horrible, but not as awful as the way fans in this building treat you and your teammates when you visit!”
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