We want our partners to be happy, but when we ask them to be faithful, we're asking them to forgo pleasures for our sake. Is this a contradiction?
Forsaking all others is a meaningful sacrifice that shows partners' dedication to each other.One of the most frequent promises that committed partners make to each other is to be romantically and sexually faithful. The fact that this is the “default setting” in relationships is shown by having many terms, such as “open relationship,” for when this expectation is modified or rejected altogether.
At the same time, many people who do make such a promise eventually break it, entering into emotional or physical liaisons outside their committed relationship.
The sacrifice of the happiness from being with other people isn’t a good thing in and of itself, but it is a trade-off that partners make for each other—as well as for their own deeper sense of well-being, similar to any other short-term sacrifice made for long-term benefit.It may be the case that seeing other people is as important to one partner as fidelity is to the other.
However, it is essential that both partners voluntarily agree to this. If one partner goes along with it reluctantly, just to placate the other or in response to pressure for them or others, it will inevitably lead to resentment and very likelythat will only hurt the partner who valued it. By the same token, a partner who values fidelity should never be forced to enter an open relationship to make the partner who wants one happy.
At any moment, someone’s aggravating behavior or our own bad luck can set us off on an emotional spiral that threatens to derail our entire day. Here’s how we can face our triggers with less reactivity so that we can get on with our lives.
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