'The normal things that parents do — lose their temper, say — seem life-altering to me. I feel that I’m destroying my children’s lives.' manicpixiemama My2020Vision myADHD2020vision
An illustration of a woman with the devil representing rejection sensitive dysphoria on one shoulder and the angel representing correct diagnosis of adhd and rejection sensitivity on the other“Stop being so sensitive,” everyone told me when I was younger. “If you stop crying, they’ll stop teasing you.”melted down at any sign of criticism
. I’d dissolve into tears. I’d sometimes stomp away. I’d curl up into myself and feel worthless, miserable, and guilty. The shame was overwhelming. It led to self-harm in my teens and early 20s. I could not cope with the normal slings and arrows of daily life. Everything bad was my fault. My psychiatrists thought I was depressed and put me on an SSRI. It didn’t help much, because I wasn’t depressed. Like so many women, I went through many diagnoses before my doctors finally hit on ADHD. I wasn’t manifesting depression or isolated anxiety issues. I was dealing withRSD is a condition that the psychiatric community at large, and the ADHD community, is just beginning to understand.
RSD can imitate a mood disorder, including rapidly cycling bipolar disorder complete with suicidal ideation. A combination ofand clonidine helps some patients, says Dodson. MAOIs can also be effective, but they come with a list of don’ts, including ADHD meds. Talk with your doctor. Many people with ADHD experience some form of RSD. In women, it usually turns inward. So you’re not the only one feeling that guilt, shame, and rejection. I understand. I am right there fighting them with you.
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