This article shares two anonymous reader submissions detailing the challenges and regrets experienced in their respective parenting journeys. The first submission recounts the trauma of miscarriage, the difficulties of raising a child with ADHD, and the devastating consequences of a child's actions. The second submission describes the challenges of adoption, a lack of bonding, and the subsequent destructive behaviors of their adopted child.
The submissions were insightful and gut-wrenching. Then, several readers decided to share their own confessions. Here are some of those submissions:1. "I didn’t want kids until I was about 28. My husband and I had already been married for six years by then.
. That first pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage at five months and was one of the worst things I’ve ever gone through. I ended up having two children, a boy and a girl. Things were tough. The boy was diagnosed with ADHD. Things with him got worse and worse. When he was 17, and my daughter was 15, it came out that he had sexually assaulted her over a period of three years when they were younger. He was charged as an adult for something he did as a child and ended up with felonies and on the sex offender registry. Both of my children have suffered, and if I could go back, I would not have had them regardless of the fact that I love them both.""I never wanted kids until I met and married the love of my life at age 43. At that age, getting pregnant was not possible for me. We felt strongly that our love was so strong that we wanted to share it with children. We decided to adopt and set about raising our daughter with positive parenting, spirituality, patience, and lots of love. Early on, I knew she didn’t bond with me, yet she bonded with her father. Since I was a daddy’s girl, I accepted her lack of emotional attachment to me. She was a difficult child. She is a manipulator, a thief, and a liar who has raged and bullied her peers." "As an adult, she has no respect for authority, abuses drugs, and assaults her partners. She has been arrested numerous times for DUI and domestic violence. Fast forward to today, and I’ve obtained a restraining order after she assaulted me this past summer. Before then, I regretted adopting her and wanted to void the adoption. I’m enjoying my life now without the drama and chaos she brings. I never want to see her again in life.""I’m not sure if many of these problems stem from kids so much as the circumstances under which the kids were brought into the world. The kids made a bad situation worse.""I have three adult children. They're 47, 46, and 31. When I had my first, I was 17 and forced to marry because my evil mother stated that she couldn't feed us. I never wanted my second. I got divorced and raised children the best I could. I have no contact with my second child. I always wondered whether she knew I did not want her at first. Once she was born, I loved her unconditionally. Then, at 34, I decided to convince my partner to have my third baby because I was getting older." "Due to her sister's influence, her teenage years were absolutely horrific 😢 💔. She started running away with her peers. Then moved in with a grown man at 19. I did not approve, but she was an adult. Fast forward, her sister talked her into moving from one state to another with her. They eventually fell out as they do, and had to come live with me after three years of no contact. She finally came to realize the lies her sister told her were just that, lies. Long story short, I wish I had not had any children until I was ready.""I'm a single mother. I made the wrong choice. My life is ruined. I wish I had never had sex. Wished I had killed myself when I had the chance. There are no do-overs in life. I'm a fool.""I never really wanted kids, but I got pregnant unexpectedly at 18 when I accidentally forgot to take one birth control pill. I didn’t find out until I was about 10 weeks along. I suffered from severe postpartum depression and received very little support and even mental abuse from my husband’s family. Fast forward to now, and my daughter is 23. Despite my every attempt to make her life good, she looks back and says I was a bad mom. It really hurts and makes me completely regret not having an abortion. And I know that’s terrible to say.""We adopted a son when I was 42. He was a lovely infant and young child, but has been a terrible teenager. He is nice to everyone else but is hateful to me and has never expressed thanks, gratitude, remorse, or love to me during the past two years. I love him beyond measure, but I can’t imagine another five years of this and feel completely undermined by my partner. I can’t say anything because I asked for this. It was the ultimate arrogance to think I should adopt when I was unable to have children. I wish I had stayed child-free.""I wish someone had told me it was okay not to have kids. My children’s whole lives have been nothing but endless sources of pain to me . I had a messed-up family that caused me to lose custody of both of them. I didn’t help by making dumb and naive decisions, but I was 19. I didn’t get to see or talk to either of them for years. When they became adults, I was able to reach both of them and explain what was happening. My oldest talked to me for a bit and then ghosted me. The youngest lived with me for several years until I literally had to pitch them out of the nest, and it was a nightmare. They were lazy, dirty, and spoiled. They haven’t spoken to me in six months. Motherhood was probably the worst thing that ever happened to me.""My kids are grown. I love them, but they honestly took a ton of energy from me as a stay-at-home mom. If I had to do it again, I wouldn’t.""I never wanted kids. When I met my husband, we both agreed we didn’t want to bring any kids into the world. Three years into our relationship, he changed his mind. He kept hoping I would change mine. I started second-guessing myself, especially as I got older and that window was closing. I started to worry he would resent me for it, or that I would regret it when it was too late. So, we had a kid. And unfortunately, I now know that I shouldn’t have. I am always there for my child and do my best to be the best mother I can be, but I regret my choice and feel guilty for not being the mother they deserve. What I always tell anyone who asks, if you’re unsure about having kids, then don’t do it. Life will only get harder, and that little certainty you had to start with won’t be enough to justify the sacrifice. At least that’s been my experience.""I never wanted kids, but had an unplanned pregnancy at 28 with my boyfriend of many years. I decided to have her because at the time, my boyfriend supported the pregnancy, and it seemed okay. Well, he left me at five months with no other choice except to be a single parent. I was such a mess and was seriously considering adoption, but I just couldn’t do it. Fast forward 28 years, and I have a child just like her narcissistic father. Everything I did was wrong according to her." "Because I worked 60-plus hours a week, she didn’t have all the things her friends had. My life was 'easy' compared to what she has to deal with, now a 4-year-old with a deadbeat dad, and she is constantly asking for money because she’s burned every bridge except for me. It’s draining my savings and makes me angry, but I can’t let my grandson go without. I’m so tired of just trying to get along with her, and it makes me cry multiple times a week. I worked extremely hard and made numerous sacrifices. It’s depressing. She was a very difficult child, but I always thought it would get better when she became an adult. It’s gotten worse. She needs therapy and probably medication. The things she has said to me would make most parents go no contact, but I love my grandson. He told me last week that he didn’t want me to tell his mom that he told me he loves me. Painful.""I never wanted marriage and kids. My husband truly believes in marriage and wants to be a father. Before marriage, I told him I didn't want kids, but if it happened, it would happen . After marriage, he told me how he really wanted to be a father, and I agreed to give him six months to try, but if nothing came of it, we wouldn't speak of it again. Well, I got pregnant on the first try. My first needed a sibling as he was truly becoming a self-centered little jerk, and thus my second was born. I don't hate motherhood, but there is no joy in it. I do not enjoy it and am hoping that they become self-sufficient adults so I can reach the end date of this prison sentence. I knew I would never regret being childless, but damn, parenthood is really as bad as I thought...a boring burden.""I have two college kids. Both will be successful in their chosen majors in college. I love them and care for them. However, I feel like as soon as they hit the teenage years, I stopped liking them and never really deviated from that feeling. The attitude, the meanness, and the uncaring nature were too much for me. If I had to do it again, I wouldn’t. I was a SAHM mom for 20 years, and I would do anything for them, but my hubby and I are enjoying our empty nest so much that I feel it’s a chore to have them back at breaks!""I never wanted to have kids, but at 36, I found out I was pregnant My 'boyfriend' was a friend with benefits...and didn't want to know the baby. I had my daughter in July 2020, during lockdown. He died in February 2021 from COVID-19. I love my daughter, but it's hard being a lone parent. She is autistic, has ADHD, and has sensory processing disorder. Every day is a battle, and I just break down frequently — proving to myself that I wasn't cut out to be a mum. As I said, I love my 5-year-old daughter...but I shouldn't really have had a child. I can just about sort myself out! Lesson learned... no more kids.""Our daughter was more active in utero than our twin sons we had five years later. That set the stage for her life. At every different development level, she was twice the trouble of her younger brothers combined. We're still waiting for the boys to hit the 'terrible twos', and they're 39 years old! She is now 44 years old, living in another state, and to escape her frantic phone calls for rent every month, we bought her a house in that state. Now we rarely hear from her. The boys want and have nothing to do with her. The damage she caused to the family is incomprehensible unless you've lived it. We were stationed in Germany when I got pregnant. I was dating her father at the time, and abortion was difficult at that time. It was easier in Switzerland. You don't know how often I thought,"I could have even skied in Switzerland..."Blend Images - Inti St Clair / Getty Images/Tetra images RF"I wouldn’t say I don’t love my children. They’re just way too much to handle, and it can be exhausting when you're with annoying children. They will ask for too much, and when they don’t get it, they go wild. I was 18 when I had my first child, and I’m full of regret, yeah, so it’s been a struggle ever since then. I was too young. I just should’ve stuck with my gut and put them for adoption because I can’t do this without a father figure in the house. I just feel like I’m a disappointment as a mom, and that I wish that my kids had a better life, and I could’ve been better, cause now they’re just spoiled, and it makes me really upset. Yeah, I just think about it all the time, so if you’re not meant to be a mom, don’t be because it could ruin your kids' lives.""I was 18 when I got pregnant. I asked my then-roommate if he would be my first time . He said yes, and we did it. The condom broke, and I got pregnant. He started telling me that he loved me right after we had sex for the first time. I kept trying to put distance between us, and it wasn't working. He was being clingy, and I don't like clingy people. He had never been like that before then. I found out I was pregnant and mentioned that I was not ready for a baby. I looked into getting an abortion, but he and his mom found out and refused to let me go. They made me get married by going straight to my very strict Catholic parents. My parents made me marry him and then disowned me. I felt suffocated by my husband and his mother." "I had no money, no place to stay, and no friends . I had my oldest, and my husband became very controlling. He controlled where I went, who I saw, and what I bought, among other things. I had no way out. I have four kids with him and have been married 20 years, and he still controls everything. I feel bad for my kids because we've had a hard life and can't give them what they want. My oldest child has no ambition and refuses to attend school. My second is eating his feelings. Third, she has such an attitude problem and takes her anger out on me. I'm to blame for all of her problems. My youngest is literally the only one who truly loves me. I regret asking my husband to be my first. I regret having kids. I could have been a doctor and traveled all over the world. Instead, I'm here with four kids whom I have raised to be good humans . I wish I could go back to being 18 and change my future. But for now, I love my kids, and I do everything I can to make their lives better. It's not their fault that they were born into this family. It's mine.""My husband wanted kids. I was of the opinion that if they happened naturally, as the universe planned, then so be it. I had to go through IVF and had a horrible pregnancy. All sorts of scares through the process. Then, I got sepsis and nearly died due to complications. I am the only one in my family to have the ONLY grandchild. My parents were ecstatic. The irony is that we don't live close enough for them to enjoy her. I have zero help and really struggle with it all. I guess the universe's decision was bigger than me, but I have a lot of pent-up frustrations and what ifs?""I had my first son at 24 and loved him to the moon and back. His father and I didn’t last, but it was okay, he was a great father, spent every weekend with him, gladly helping in any way he could. I went on a date with a guy I wasn’t particularly wild about, but it was a setup by a family member. From the very beginning, the guy was off, and I ended the date fairly quickly. He became a stalker and one night showed up at my house demanding sex because I owed him for dinner. He was a big guy, over 6’4. I was only 5’3, and my son was home, so I didn’t feel safe saying no. That night resulted in a pregnancy. I wanted desperately to have an abortion, but didn’t have the money. I gave birth to my second son and regretted every day of it." "I never wanted him, and it didn’t help me either that he has a lot of communication difficulties. But every day, I fought for him and gave him all the attention I could to help him be the best he could be. Do I wish I could have afforded an abortion when I found out I was pregnant? Absolutely! Did I do everything in my power to make him feel loved and valued after he was here? Absolutely! My son never grew up knowing he was the product of rape, and he never grew up not knowing I would move mountains for him. But I wish I had never had him.""I had a large family young . I loved my seven children and did everything for them. The marriage didn’t last, and he turned them against me. The children were my whole world, and they were absolutely terrible to me and wrecked my house. Some of them haven’t spoken to me for years and have completely cut me off. The pain was so terrible, and I went through so much depression. I honestly wish I had stopped having kids after the second one. All the pain they have caused me and my partner is unbelievable. I wish they hadn’t been born.""My ex-husband was emotionally abusive and, if I’m being completely honest with myself, forced me into getting pregnant just three months after going into labor and losing our daughter at 20 weeks. I wasn’t ready, and I hadn’t really had a chance to grieve — he quit his job three days into my required maternity leave, so I had to go back to work as soon as physically possible. Our son was 13 weeks early, spent two months in the NICU, and cost over a million dollars in his first year. Thank goodness for good insurance! Now my son is almost 7, his father hasn’t been in the picture for years, and until recently, I was doing it all on my own. My son showed incredible strength to grow big enough to breathe on his own and come home, so I’ve made it my mission to give him a great life and make sure he never knows that I didn’t want to be a parent after my daughter died.""When my daughter was a year and a half old, I unexpectedly got pregnant a second time. I was not ready. I was exhausted as sh*t from my daughter being a typical toddler and a dog we rescued that needed constant emotional coddling. And hindsight makes it easier to see my depression was wildly out of control, but I didn't realize it because my panic attacks were not. I would lie awake at night, in pain, wanting to vomit from heartburn, exhausted because my daughter decided sleeping through the night was no longer a thing, and would think 'Ya know... if I miscarried I'd probably feel relieved.'" "And this went on for the whole pregnancy.... right up until 32 weeks when I went into labor... and my son was stillborn. Gone for at least three days before I went into labor. Despite all the expected mental anguish and trauma, for just. I have yet to forgive myself for that."
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