Carolyn Hax: Mother-in-law damages “very dear to me” cookbook. Now what?
I considered telling her that I wished she hadn’t used the labels. That way, I could have the satisfaction of an apology. But I worry that this will embarrass her and the satisfaction of an apology won’t be worth it, since it won’t change anything. My mother-in-law is otherwise very nice and I have a good relationship with her. What would you do if you were in this situation?Me? Nothing.
I don’t understand why the “satisfaction of an apology” is even at issue, given that you see her as “very nice.” To my mind “very nice” comes with a built-in assumption that the first of your two possibilities is the correct one, that “she didn’t notice that the labels won’t come off.” I.e., that she made an innocent mistake.
· So many of us have had to learn the hard way about loaning precious books to others. I only loan now with direct, acknowledged communication about the care and return I expect. I would never deign to tell someone else how to care for their books or possessions, but I have no problem making it clear how mine should be treated.
· My daughter has made many notes into my beloved cookbooks and I cherish the notes! I don’t consider cookbooks as static things — in my mind they are meant to be notated, spilled on, dog-eared. Perhaps the OP can try to think of the label as reminding her of the time her mother-in-law liked her cooking so much she wanted to borrow it?
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