Personal Perspective: In trying to never disappoint our kids, we end up disappointing everyone
Have you ever felt guilty because you're not entertaining your child and providing them with unlimited activities to keep them happy and engaged? Ever feel terrible for not leaving your schedule wide open on the off chance they might want to hang out with you? Do you feel like a neglectful parent for having your own needs, which may mean not being able to fulfill theirs? Do you worry that your child will end up feeling abandoned and unloved, not a priority in your life?to disappoint them.
Instead of owning and acknowledging the challenges , we get caught in a murky, twisted mess of inadequacy and unexpressed love. Sometimes, it's best to simply be straightforward:"I so want to be able to do this for you, and I know it's going to be hard to ask your coach to play in sneakers not cleats tomorrow, but it's not possible for me to be in two places at once. We're going to have to find a different solution.
It’s important to show our kids that their parents are humans, not action heroes who can magically make reality whatever they want it to be. When we acknowledge that we’re not cartoon-cutout"parents," but just humans who love their kids and also have limits, we lay the groundwork for an authentic and satisfying relationship.
We're also modeling another critical skill—namely, that we can survive challenging circumstances, tolerate frustration and discomfort, adjust, pivot, and still be OK. Simultaneously, we demonstrate that it’s OK to be sad, frustrated, angry, or whatever else they feel when what's wanted is not possible. We teach our kids that the feelings are natural and part of the experience, not something they need to hide or avoid.
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