Personal Perspective: I've discovered that wearing another person's clothes can boost our connection, spark comfort, and bring a feeling of belonging.
I grew up dying to wear my older sister’s clothes. She was nearly four years older than I was, with lush black hair to her waist, and her lashes the size of pond fronds. Every boy I had a crush on yearned only for her.
She draped herself in embroidered peasant blouses from Kitty Haas in Cambridge, in lace and suede, and my favorite blue dress printed with tiny yellow peace signs. I was sure, if I only could wear her clothes, her presence might rub off on me, the ugly duckling, and I might be beautiful, too. I had to wait for her to grow tired of outfits, but eventually I got to be the deliriously happy recipient because she loved me. Her clothes worked their magic. I still remember headily kissing my first boyfriend on our suburban street and what I wore that day, which I was sure made my love want to keep kissing me: her subtly striped turtleneck paired with silky culottes. Maybe I was just getting an infusion of her, but my days seemed to be better when I wore her clothes. They seemed to make magic happen for me, just the way they did for her.changed along with her style. She didn't want to share clothes with me anymore—or lives. Her cool, interesting clothes became garish, so loud they seem to shout."Your taste is ugly," she told me."And you're ugly, inside and out." She accused me of stealing her style and of being disrespectful. She soon estranged herself from me. I still have the shimmering blue earrings and necklace that were hers before they were mine. To throw them out or give them away would mean I was giving her away, and I can't do that. But at the same time, I can't wear them because it's too painful, because they somehow carry her Of course, I love my husband’s clothes. I steal his t-shirts, which are much cooler than mine, and though we really are together 24/7 most days, I love that extra bit of him around me, a kind of fabric hug. And when I was critically ill in the hospital for months, the one thing that comforted me, both physically and mentally, was wearing his underwear; so roomy, they didn’t disturb all my stitches from surgeries, and so his that I felt him with me all the time.Over the years, one of my biggest pleasures is giving a yearly birthday box to and from one of my oldest friends, Jo Fisher. I stuff the box with clothes I love, sometimes with purchases I’ve worn only once or not at all, and when she sends me photos of her wearing my gifts, even though she lives in Santa Fe and I’m in the NYC area, it’s as if we are even more in each other’s lives. We're connected by hemlines and collars, by wild earrings and quirky socks. You know how they say clothes make the person? That’s so wrong. I know it is the person who makes the clothes, who infuses them with their personality, and maybe their DNA, as well. And if I love you, I want to wear your clothes. And most likely, I want you to wear mine.Life never gets easier. Fortunately, psychology is keeping up, uncovering new ways to maintain mental and physical health, and positivity and confidence, through manageable daily habits like these. How many are you ready to try?Self Tests are all about you. Are you outgoing or introverted? Are you a narcissist? Does perfectionism hold you back? Find out the answers to these questions and more with Psychology Today.
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