Personal Perspective: Online support for suicide bereavement can be a lifesaver. But people stop posting when they're no longer defined by pain, so what's "the other side" like?
“Be careful seeking support online,” I tell my clients. “There’s so much value in finding a community of people living your struggle, other humans who relate to your pain. But remember: Nobody posts when they’re doing well. They just ... disappear.”echoes in the dark, ghosts pacing the same ground over and over. We need people to notice us, and listen to us, and help us step back into the world of the living.
Perhaps one day I’ll feel differently, and start writing and researching suicide bereavement again. It’s complex. I really value being able to write useful things to people who need something to comfort them, a future to hope for, and simple validation that what they're feeling is normal. I remember what it felt like, and I’ll never stop wanting to support and encourage anyone stuck in that godforsaken place.
I’ve come to think that in surviving suicide bereavement, one must by necessity embody a kind of pohutukawa approach to existing. Trauma gives you so, so much to contend with in the mind: So many thoughts, so many memories, so many emotions. So much work to do in your head to heal. Your branches and leaves and flowers, so to speak, are already unfathomably heavy. SoYou need to live in the world. Even when you don’t feel like it, even when it’s hard, even when you don’t know where to begin.
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