A bucket-list worth considering.
As perceived time-horizons shorten, the types of our goals change.The 500-mile Camino de Santiago runs from the border of France to the northwestern Spanish coast. A path of pilgrimage, the Camino is a network of 1,000-year-old walking trails whereAfter years of considering it, my very good friend, Bob, decided that he didn’t want any more time to go by and that this would be the year he would do it—this May he would walk the Camino.
We met over Zoom a few weeks ago with our friends, Joe and Wendy, just as we had every Friday for the last dozen years and he told us his plan. He said that he wasn’t going to overthink it—that he hadn’t purchased a return plane ticket yet so that he could walk it as slowly as possible. We were excited and happy for him. We knew we would get some terrific stories out of it. That same evening, January 30th, I learned that Bob had suffered a massive heart attack that afternoon and died.Research on bucket lists provides some interesting insights into how we plan and execute these kinds of meaningful life goals. A study published in 2020 suggests that bucket-list goals are often deferred into later, post-Relatedly, research from 2018 titled, “Before I Die: The Impact of Time Horizon and Age on Bucket-List Goals” describes how bucket-lists change based on our perceived amount of time to accomplish them.They then placed survey respondents into one of three time horizons , and asked them to make a bucket list. The researchers determined, among other conclusions, that as our perceived time-horizon shortens, the role of emotional meaningfulness goals increases—and not insubstantially: Between an open-ended time frame and only given one week, the percentage of emotional meaningfulness goals nearly doubles.Reflecting on it now, I don’t think Bob considered walking the Camino a bucket-list activity, although I can easily conclude that it was emotionally meaningful to him.After departing the corporate world a few years ago, Bob had made living from his heart the very purpose of his life. He worked as acounselor and in hospice care. He fed the unhoused. He taught qi-gong on the beach and worked to help others to find their own true purposes in life. In fact, when we asked him about his expectations for the Camino, his response was, “I’m just going to ‘listen to soul’ and follow it.” He said that, other than that, he didn’t expect very much. He said that he didn’t really need to walk to Camino, but that he was much more interested in seeing who he might meet along the way, what it might feel like to nap in his portable hammock on the roadside, and who he might be able to help. This feels right to me. In fact, I can confidently say that Bob would be the guy whom other pilgrims would tell stories about. He’d be the guy who listened to them without judgment. He’d be the guy they hugged and cried and laughed really hard with. He’d be the 6’6” stranger they remembered as being someone special. Like me, they might say something like, “He was the most alive guy I ever met.”So without any further adieu, here is a different sort of bucket list that I know my friend Bob would write himself. The planning is minimal, it’s extremely easy on the wallet, and while transcendence may not be guaranteed, I think it might just setGive your best friends a bear hug they’ll take with them when they leave.the magic of sound and listen to something great: The Beatles or Beethoven or Billie Holiday .Imagine that this sunset or full moon or beloved face is the first one you’ve ever seen. You’ve seen it before—maybe a million times—but not today. See it as brand new in every way.5. “Eat the cake! Order the dessert!”6. Make your mark in this life by the kind of person you are more than the fading achievements you leave behind:I learned at a memorial service for Bob on March 21st, that Bob’s son, Pierce, is going to walk the Camino this May. He said that he wasn’t going to overthink it—that he hadn’t purchased a return plane ticket yet and that instead of cancelling the bookings that Bob made, he’d just use them.Freund, A. M. . The bucket list effect: Why leisure goals are often deferred until retirement. American Psychologist, 75, 499–510. Chu, Q., Grühn, D., & Holland, A. M. . Before I die: The impact of time horizon and age on bucket-list goals. GeroPsych: The Journal of Gerontopsychology and Geriatric Psychiatry, 31, 151–162.Mike Travisano, an ordained Buddhist teacher, studied organizational psychology at Penn State and is the author of Refuge in Small Things.Self Tests are all about you. Are you outgoing or introverted? Are you a narcissist? Does perfectionism hold you back? Find out the answers to these questions and more with Psychology Today.
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