'Honestly, I'm open to any tips for navigating conversations and hookups with potential new partners about chronic pain in general. I need help!' MorayaLMFT offers advice for the latest edition of our sex and relationships column, Can We Talk?:
or misunderstood . Dating is so unpredictable at times — just like chronic pain. This is something we must learn to live with.Chronic pain can feel like you are living in this silent, chaotic war with your own body. The tendency to avoid letting someone new in to join that battle makes sense.I want to encourage you to think about discussing your pain as an act that can spark connection and deeper understanding.
Equally, your body needs many moments of safety and reassurance, since it so often sits in states of pain that tell it exactly the opposite. There’s no shame in that — only strength in accepting it. One last note: before you have these big conversations, I'd make sure you’re starting them with someone worthy of your time. I say this only because you mentioned. Although it sounds like you have come to a place of acceptance with your pain, perhaps you’re too accepting of those you let into your life. Get clear on what kind of partnership you are looking for.
I’ll leave you with this: Your chronic pain is currently a part of who you are, so let it be a part of you fully. If you love and embrace you, others will too. DeGeare is a licensed marriage and family therapist, who specializes in intimacy, LGBTQIA+ relationships, mixed-culture couples, and racial identity development. The advice in this column is to point you in a direction that encourages healing and creates safety for you in this world.
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