Opinion | Soraya Chemaly: T.I.'s virginity check scandal highlights the dark side of patriarchal fatherhood - NBCNewsTHINK
Too few fathers are forced, as T.I, was, to consider how adhering to patriarchal masculine ideals can materially hurt their daughters. In fact, fathers have powerful psychological motivations to avoid serious consideration of their daughters' actual lives, instead focusing on their own ego.
My father was a case in point. The summer I was 16, my father and I drove to work together every morning. During our commute, we listened to music, regaled each other with stories and wolfed down a quick breakfast. One morning, I walked into our kitchen wearing a button-down shirt, pants, a belt, low heels and a little makeup. To me, nothing about my appearance was unprofessional. He angrily insisted that I change immediately. We sat in silence the entire ride.
As an adult, I now realize that from his perspective, I went to bed looking like a girl, but walked into the kitchen looking like a woman. I was excited to dress for work, but he worried my mature outfit would invite unwanted attention. And almost certainly, my appearance was a reminder to my father that he could not, in fact, protect me from predatory men.Almost certainly, my appearance was a reminder to my father that he could not, in fact, protect me from predatory men.
At 16, I had already spent years navigating persistent sexual harassment and threats. At 9, an older boy threatened to rape me in a schoolyard. Walking anywhere meant dodging a gauntlet of men commenting on my body or demanding sexual acts. I was 11 or 12 the first time I was followed in a car by a group of boys and 15 when a man grabbed me on a busy street. Harassment took place at school and even in supposedly “safe” places, like neighborhood parties or family gatherings.
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