Opinion | Katelyn Ohashi: How walking away from elite gymnastics helped me reclaim my joy. - NBCNewsTHINK
And yet, I have a vivid image of coming home in tears after that last competition. One of my vertebrates was protruding out from my spine, and I was in excruciating pain. I couldn’t even touch my back without cringing. At just 16 years old, I was told that my back would never be the same again. My wellbeing had been neglected for the opportunity to win a gold medal.
I was told I might not ever do gymnastics again. But when I heard those words, I wasn’t devastated; I wasn’t even sad. The truth is, a weight was lifted from my shoulders. A wave of calmness washed over me and drowned all of my self-doubt, fear and stress. I would never again have to wear a leotard or step foot in a gym, only to be criticized or judged based on my looks. It wasn’t until later that I realized how much I had relied on gymnastics for validation, for my self-worth.
When I stepped away from the sport, I was left with someone I didn’t even know. The only thing I did know was that I didn’t like who I was. It took a full year to finally start missing the sport that I once loved as a little girl. After countless doctors appointments and imaging, I was allowed to start rehabbing and training again. But my body could no longer take the impact of the elite world, so I switched my path from the Olympics to college gymnastics.I knew that UCLA had an amazing gymnastics program and so I called Miss Val.
But it took some time to silence the negative voices in my head. During my freshman year of college, it became undeniably clear that I didn’t want to be great again. I correlated greatness with misery. But I now realize that greatness was not the problem. It was the culture and environment that seemed to come along with being great.
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