Satire by Alexandra Petri: Come to think of it, maybe I don’t understand cryptocurrency
Yikes! I am starting to worry that I don’t actually understand how cryptocurrency works! I sort of thought that if all the money disappeared, that was a sign that your encryption was working?
But I take it from how upset everybody is getting about the collapse of FTX and continuing aftershocks that … it is not supposed to do that? It is occurring to me now that some of the things about FTX that I thought were “totally fine, normal things that are always true” might … not be?I am a bit embarrassed because I definitely thought I understood how cryptocurrency works, 100 percent.
Is it normal not to know where anyone’s money is? I kind of thought that not having any accounting, per se, was maybe a “crypto thing”? Like, if you know that you have someone’s money, and there is any record showing that you have it, then it’s not crypto anymore? Cryptocurrency and the blockchain were explained to me with the use of lots of analogies involving trains and boats and Rubik’s Cubes and Byzantine generals, and I had sort of convinced myself that if you had any record that you had...
So if there does not appear to be a record of how many employees one has, that is … bad? I thought maybe it was something to do with the blockchain, where if you could count all your employees, the blockchain would stop working? I felt pretty confident about that, so I didn’t ask anyone.When your founder spends almost $40 million on politics, is that not necessarily out of excitement to do good and be regulated appropriately?”? Again, this sounded very like a Silicon Valley thing to do.
Is it normal to have your company organization be described by the man whose job it was to unravel Enron as the biggest mess he has ever seen, including the unraveling of Enron? Or is that … bad?Thanks! I promise I don’t have any other questions, and I completely understand everything else that’s going on with cryptocurrency! The ByzantineOh, one more thing, actually: Is this very good, invisible, costly fabric that I was also given to have made into the finest robes to show my commitment...
United States Latest News, United States Headlines
Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.
Opinion | Has the FTX Debacle Discredited Effective Altruism?Some observers have linked the alleged financial malpractice by the cryptocurrency magnate Sam Bankman-Fried to ideas widely held within the \u0022effective altruism\u0022 movement, which Bankman-Fried says inspired him. But effective altruists are right: sometimes the end really does justify the means.
Read more »
FTX Was Sam Bankman-Fried's 'Personal Fiefdom,' Bankruptcy Lawyer Says | CoinMarketCapA bankruptcy lawyer for FTX's new management told a Delaware federal bankruptcy court that the second-largest exchange in the world was run as the 'personal fiefdom of Sam Bankman-Fried.'
Read more »
FTX Contagion Revives Dreaded 2022 Crypto Knell – The ‘Withdrawal Halt’In crypto in 2022, the phrase 'halting withdrawals' is like black smoke billowing out of a building. The collapse of Sam Bankman-Fried's FTX exchange has pushed the list of announcements to 16 this year _jocelynyang_ reports
Read more »
US lawmakers ask DOJ hold FTX execs accountable 'to the fullest extent of the law'Senators Elizabeth Warren and Sheldon Whitehouse requested the Justice Department launch an investigation into crypto exchange FTX’s downfall with the “utmost scrutiny.”
Read more »
5 major revelations about the collapse of crypto giant FTXAt the first hearing in FTX's bankruptcy proceedings, lawyers confirmed that millions of dollars are stolen or missing — and revealed stunning details about the downfall of the once-mighty exchange.
Read more »
See inside DC townhouse linked to FTX founder Sam Bankman-FriedHave a look at the cushy Washington crib linked to the fallen crypto bro.
Read more »