Pumpkin Spice Lattes return in late August, but they care not for your feeble cries of “but it’s still summer!”
Go ahead, continue to make your snide pumpkin spice latte jokes. But Last Week Tonight wants you to know the truth: to the pumpkin spice latte, you are an insect. The spice returns in late August, its earliest return ever, but it cares not for your feeble cries of “but it’s still summer!” Because to the spice, time is meaningless. A mortal construction meant to mark the hours until we weaker beings made of flesh and bone are doomed to rot away.
The spice does not need your approval, or acceptance — all it needs to survive is your continued compliance in the ever-expanding commercialization of fall within an economy reliant on endless growth. Independence Day barbecues, Passover Seders, Easter, Flag Day — all will be swept away until nothing remains but the eternal ocean of spice. And when the last humanoids of Earth dust off the ancient ruins of our civilization, they will find but one artifact survives: a can of pumpkin spice Spam.
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