For many Directioners, Liam Payne’s death also means mourning their younger selves.
Mikaela Dee spent much of her childhood in a hospital bed. Dee was chronically ill, in and out of the hospital so much that her family elected to homeschool her. Her friends were distant; most of her interactions were with doctors, nurses, pharmacists, and her parents. When she was 15, though, she found One Direction on “The X-Factor UK” – five floppy-haired, skinny teenage boys around her age, singing together on her screen.
When Zayn left to pursue a solo career in 2015, when the band went on hiatus the next year – it never felt totally final, Dee said. “It was always open ended that ‘Oh, one day they’ll come back for a reunion.’ Except now,” Dee said. “One member will never be a part of it.” When beloved celebrities die, the grief fans experience can be intense. Despite not knowing a celebrity personally, they often take on a sacred status among their following – making their deaths particularly shattering.
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