On Being Black, Gay, and Jewish—And Finding Radical Self-Love

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On Being Black, Gay, and Jewish—And Finding Radical Self-Love
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“Today, I can finally embrace all the various parts of myself I contain,” writes Karim Abay, “and now that I’ve embraced each and every one of them, I can love myself in a way I never was able to before.'

It was 6:30 a.m. on an August morning in the dying days of summer, and I was driving to Runyon Canyon to go hiking. Someone had just run a red light and I was hit on the passenger side of my Audi A5. The car was spinning, and all I could think was:. The airbags were going off; everything was happening all at once. I was just praying to God that nothing would, well,First, it was just two officers—an older white man and a younger Black man, who left soon after.

A month after the accident, I went to the Wilshire Division of the LAPD, my local station, to complain about what happened. I was told the officer’s comment about Defund the Police had never been said, and that what I was relaying to them was a lie. Essentially, I was told that my entire experience was invalid.

My parents met in Germany in the early 1970s, where my dad was an American G.I. He was stationed in Berlin. It was a very typical soldier-abroad love story. He fell in love with a local lady, got married, and had a kid. My mom is white and German. My dad is a Black man from Detroit. They moved to Akron, Ohio, where they had me in 1973, before divorcing when I was five years old.

Being biracial really didn't become clear until I was in public school in the seventh grade. Suddenly, I was more aware that I was a person of color. All of a sudden, I burst out of that Jewish private school bubble. For the first time ever, I was in an integrated school, and I finally understood that I was Black because I had other Black people around me. Yet I definitely felt isolated. I wasn't really accepted by the Black kids.

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