This November, J.D. Vance will be on the ballot to represent Ohio in the U.S. Senate. The Onion asked Ohioans why they are voting for the venture capitalist and author, and this is what they said.
“He represents exactly what I want my kids to grow up to be—someone who is rich and successful, gets out of Ohio, and then comes back to take advantage of us because he thinks we’re stupid and exploitable.
”Advertisement“Well, like most Americans, I have very little information about how our political system works, and he’s in the party that I’ve attached my identity to.”“Honestly, it’s pretty fucked up that he decided to convert to Catholicism as an adult, but at least he’s not a Jew or something.”
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