A woman details her multifaceted life, juggling a tech startup, a complex BDSM relationship, and dates with a famous comedian and a handsome real estate agent, while reflecting on personal growth and the quest for a meaningful connection.
The day begins with a flurry of activity, starting with a work Zoom call for my startup. Fundraising and beta testing are in full swing, and the demands of the business keep me tethered to the screen early on. My co-founders are based on the East Coast, so the morning is a whirlwind of virtual meetings. Amidst the professional hustle, a text from M., my submissive partner, arrives. Our eight-year, on-again, off-again BDSM relationship is complex.
We've never had penetrative sex, a boundary we both understand and respect. M. enjoys fulfilling my needs in various ways: driving me to dates, cleaning my house, and providing oral sex, things that bring him satisfaction. This weekend, I asked M. to send wine for a brunch with my friends. He, in his usual thoughtful manner, was worried about picking the wrong one, so he sent me $100 instead. I often find myself contemplating an alternate reality where we are together, because M. is intelligent, successful, and incredibly handsome, but his sexual needs are beyond what I can offer. He seeks out dominatrixes to fulfill needs that I'm not able to satisfy. While I am highly sexual, it's not a constant state for me, while for M., it is. Feeling conflicted, I disclose to M. that I am seeing the Comedian tonight and have a third date with the Real Estate Guy on Wednesday. M. is a cuck and loves to hear about my encounters. After telling him this, I leave him on read, knowing he is in fantasy. \My attention quickly shifts to the evening's plans. I am heading to Soho House with friends for trivia, followed by anticipation of the date with the famous Comedian. We met two weeks prior at a show he headlined. After exchanging numbers, we've talked daily for hours. I am unusually excited about this particular date. Later, the Comedian arrives, and the connection is immediate. We retreat to my bedroom, where our physical intimacy unfolds. He is dominant, and I embrace the shift towards submission. The experience is passionate and consuming. He goes down on me. I watch myself get fucked while using my vibrator, and then we have sex for over an hour. The evening is intense. While I reach multiple climaxes, he doesn't, which is fine, given the context. The evening concludes with cuddling, followed by an emotional exchange where he makes statements about a potential future. While I recognize the cliche of these statements, I still find myself experiencing feelings of excitement. The evening concludes with him miming a camera, telling me he wants to remember me. \The next day is focused on wellness. I schedule a sauna session at my favorite spa. I meet my co-founder and join another Zoom call. In the evening, I have a date with the Real Estate Guy. We went to Jon & Vinny's, and it was a great night. The Real Estate Guy is handsome and he is set to make me dinner tomorrow. There are further work commitments. In therapy, I discuss my relationship and my hesitation about having children, but express that I am ready for a serious partnership. The session is cathartic. It serves as a reminder of the personal growth I've experienced over the past six years. I reflect on the five non-negotiable qualities I seek in a partner. If a man aligns with those, I'll commit to five dates. It's a structured approach to finding the right match, a balance of the excitement of romance with the clarity I've cultivated in therapy. The next chapter will continue to explore themes of intimacy, work, and personal development.
Relationships Dating Startup Self-Discovery BDSM
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